Are You Going Back?

A break can look exactly like avoidance from the outside. You stop. You cancel. You put something down. The difference often shows up later: does the pause give something back, and is there a point where you mean to return? Today’s edition is about looking at the pattern instead of judging one moment.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🔬 Science Spotlight: Why work follows us home…
🗣 Therapist Corner: When rest becomes retreat…
📰 Mental Health News: Financial bias and teen therapy…
🫂 Community Voices: Breaking down Sunday anxiety…

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that having an answer matters more than being honest. What if “I don’t know yet” was allowed?

Did you let yourself be unfinished this week? What did it feel like to leave the answer open?

If you’re used to being capable and pushing through, every need for rest can start to look suspicious. How often does that happen for you?

The Not Today Log

Rest and avoidance feel identical in the moment, but they lead to very different outcomes down the line. Use this tracker over the next two weeks to note when you delay a task, how you feel afterward, and when you plan to revisit it.

You Already Know Your Patterns. Here’s How to Finish One Tonight.

It’s 2 a.m. and you’re replaying a conversation from Tuesday. Or you’ve just said yes while every part of you said no. You know exactly what you’re doing. You just don’t know how to stop it mid-move.

That’s what the Mini Workbook Vault is for.

It’s 52 short workbooks, each built around one pattern you’ll recognise instantly: the inner critic, the automatic yes, the 2 a.m. replay, the all-or-nothing day. Each takes one sitting of 10 to 20 minutes and gives you the exact words for the moment it fires: “Let me check and get back to you.” “This case has been heard.”

There’s no 200-page commitment. Every workbook ends on a page that says FINISHED, with a wallet card and a 7-day practice so it sticks past Monday.

Created and reviewed by licensed therapists. Right now, all 52 are 95% off: one payment, no subscription. The discount ends when the countdown does.

One payment · instant access · no subscription
Or join The Daily Wellness Membership for the whole library.

The Difference Between Avoidance and Rest (And Why It's Easy to Confuse Them)

Answered by: Jacqui Parkin MBACP(Accred)

You decide not to make the phone call. You cancel the plans. You put off opening the email or having the conversation you've been thinking about all week.

Are you avoiding something because it feels uncomfortable, or do you genuinely need to rest? It isn't always easy to tell. Both can bring immediate relief, and both can come with reasonable explanations for why today isn't the day.

A useful starting point is this: rest is primarily about capacity, while avoidance is primarily about escaping discomfort, fear, or a sense of threat. Of course, sometimes we are tired and anxious. The aim isn't to diagnose yourself correctly every time, but to become curious about what is driving the decision.

Why Avoidance Can Feel Like Rest

When something makes us anxious, our nervous system may respond as though there is a threat. Deciding not to do it removes that threat, at least temporarily, and anxiety drops.

That relief can reinforce avoidance. Our brain learns, I felt safer when I didn't do that, making us more likely to avoid it again.

Rest brings relief too, but it comes from reducing demands when our physical, emotional, or mental resources are depleted.

Look for the Pattern

Rather than interrogating yourself, a few questions can help you notice the difference.

Would this feel different if I had more capacity? Would sleep, food, quiet, support, or a less demanding day make it feel manageable? If the resistance remains however rested or supported you are, fear may be playing a bigger part.

What happens after I step away? Rest tends to restore some capacity. Avoidance may bring relief, but the thing itself continues to loom, often with worry or dread when you think about returning to it. Is there a return point? Rest might sound like, "I don't have the capacity for this today. I'll come back to it on Thursday." Avoidance often keeps saying, "Not yet."

Finally, what happens over time? One postponed appointment tells us very little. But repeatedly avoiding situations because they bring up anxiety, uncertainty, or fear can gradually make our choices, and our lives, smaller.

Be Careful of Overriding Yourself

There is another risk, particularly if you are used to being capable, productive, or pushing through. You can become so suspicious of avoidance that every need for rest starts to look like weakness.

The question isn't simply, "Could I make myself do this?" Most of us can override ourselves for quite a long time. Instead, ask: "What is making this difficult today, and what do I actually need?"

Perhaps you need rest. Perhaps you need support or a smaller first step. Or perhaps anxiety is encouraging you to retreat from something that matters to you.

Sometimes Courage Is a Smaller Step

If avoidance is part of the picture, the answer doesn't have to be forcing yourself through.

Small exposure means finding a step that stretches you without overwhelming you: making the phone call rather than solving the whole problem, staying with discomfort slightly longer, or asking someone to support you.

Sometimes the compassionate choice is to rest. Sometimes it is to move gently towards what scares you. And sometimes it's both: rest first, then return.

Jacqui Parkin is an accredited online Psychotherapist/Counsellor and Therapeutic Coach with nineteen years' experience supporting women through change and growth. She specialises in working with women who over-commit, feel overwhelmed, and risk burnout. She is the creator of The Over-Responsibility Pattern Audit, a free self-awareness assessment tool designed to help you identify why you are taking on more responsibility than you should. Known for her warmth, humour, and grounding presence, she writes about emotional wellbeing with compassion, honesty, and a deep understanding of the messy realities of being human. Connect with Jacqui on Psychology Today, visit her website, or join her Facebook community.

Why Switching Off From Work Is So Hard

Read the Study

The Research: Researchers combined results from 86 published studies that included 38,124 employees, looking at psychological detachment: the ability to mentally step away from work during off hours.

People who detached well tended to report less exhaustion, better sleep, and higher life satisfaction, though these links were small to moderate. Heavy workloads, time pressure, and emotionally draining tasks were linked with harder detachment. So was doing work tasks in the evenings and on weekends, and being deeply invested in the job.

Social support and job control were associated with somewhat better detachment, though those links were smaller. Negative work thoughts were also more strongly tied to poorer recovery than simply having work on the mind.

Why It Matters: Many people have heard some version of "just switch off when you get home." This research suggests that advice leaves out a lot. Difficulty switching off appears to be shaped by both the person and the conditions around them.

When demands never let up, the pressure tends to spill into the evening. A better bedtime routine will not solve a workload problem.

Try It Today: Choose a time after which you'll stop checking work messages, and let one person know. If one unfinished task keeps circling, write down what it is and your next step, so it has somewhere to live besides your head. And if your workload is simply too much, raising that with a manager or HR is part of looking after your health, not a sign you're failing.

I can step away today and still know I’m coming back. Rest and retreat can look alike from the outside, and I get to be curious about which one I’m doing without needing to be sure.

Think of one time you took a break and then actually went back to the thing, and how it looked different when you returned. Notice that the break had an ending, even if you never said it out loud.

It’s okay to need a break, and it’s okay if you can’t tell yet whether it’s rest or something else. You don’t have to settle that before you’re allowed to stop. You only have to be honest about what’s making today hard.

Pick one thing you’ve been putting off. Ask yourself, “What is making this hard today, and what do I need?” If the answer is rest, name your return out loud or write it down: “I’ll come back to this Thursday.” If the answer is fear, see if there’s a smaller first step you could take. If it’s both, rest first and then return.

"My Sunday Scaries Were Trying to Tell Me Something"

Shared by Kevin

For years, around 5:00 PM every Sunday, I’d get this heavy, anxious feeling in my chest. I just figured everybody dealt with it; part of having a job, right? I’d turn on the TV, try to distract myself, and push through until Monday morning.

A few months ago, I realized I was tired of losing every single Sunday night to the same mood. Eventually I stopped just tuning it out on my phone and actually paid attention. Turns out I wasn't dreading my job. I was just dreading my Monday morning inbox and a couple of specific meetings.

The feeling isn't totally gone, but breaking down what was actually triggering it made a huge difference. Now I can actually fix the stuff causing the stress instead of just sitting there dreading Monday.

Share Your Story

Have a mental health journey you'd like to share with our community? Reply back to this email. All submissions are anonymized and edited for length with your approval before publication. Each published story receives a $10 donation to the mental health charity of your choice.

Still replaying that conversation from Tuesday?

The Mini Workbook Vault gives you 52 short workbooks, one pattern each, finished in a single 20-minute sitting. Each one ends with the exact words for the next time the pattern fires. All 52 are 95% off right now, for one payment, until the countdown ends. Get All 52 — 95% OFF →

Evening Reset: Notice, Write, Settle

A woodworker sets down a plane next to a half-smoothed board, shavings curled around their feet. They wipe their hands on their apron, leave a scrap of paper on the vise that says “back at 3,” and walk out the side door into the yard. There’s an overturned bucket in a patch of sun, and they sit on it. A neighbor’s radio plays something slow. A wasp works the edge of a paint can. They don’t think about the board. When the fence’s shadow reaches their boots, they stand, brush off their knees, and go back inside, where the note is still on the vise and the board is right where they left it.

Spend three minutes writing: what have I set down lately, and did I give it a return point or just a “not yet”? If I gave it a return, when is it?

Close your notebook and ask: did I rest today, or retreat from something, and could I tell the difference? Is there something I stepped away from that I haven’t said when I’ll come back to? What’s one thing I could give a return time to?

“Every now and then go away, have a little relaxation, for when you come back to your work your judgment will be surer.” - Attributed to Leonardo da Vinci

Try giving your break an ending. See what that tells you.

Article: It's OK to Take a Mental Health Day—When and How to Ask for One

Read: It's OK to Take a Mental Health Day—When and How to Ask for One

Verywell Mind's Elizabeth Scott, PhD, makes the case that a mental health day is a legitimate way to recharge before burnout takes hold. The piece walks through the signs that you might need one, including losing motivation, dreading everyday tasks, and feeling worn out. It also offers practical ways to request a day off, from using a sick day to scheduling PTO, and reminds readers that they don't have to explain themselves.

Are you a therapist, psychologist, or mental health professional with something meaningful to share?

We're opening up space in our newsletter for expert voices from the field — and we'd love to hear from you.

Whether it’s a personal insight, a professional perspective, or a practical tip for everyday mental health, your voice could make a difference to thousands of readers.

👉 Click here to apply to contribute — it only takes 2 minutes.

Coming Monday: Why switching from work to home, or from one role to another, can feel harder than it looks, and how a short buffer can help your mind catch up.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

Love what you read? Share this newsletter with someone who might benefit. Your recommendation helps our community grow.

*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.