Boundaries Are Compassion

The line between being a caring person and becoming everyone's emotional manager is thinner than most people realize. This week’s expert breaks down why some of us learned that other people's feelings are our responsibility to fix, and how to stay caring without losing yourself in the process.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🔬 Science Spotlight: The secret code of eye contact that makes people most likely to help you, plus how this hidden visual language works in your daily life...
🗣 Therapist Corner: How to tell the difference between caring about someone and accidentally becoming their emotional storage unit...
📰 Mental Health News: 988 crisis line awareness grows but follow-up care lacking, university mental health services overwhelmed, and ACLU condemns executive order criminalizing homelessness...
🫂Community Voices: One woman's story about learning to disappoint her younger self and finding peace with a life that doesn't match her college dreams...

A quick sensory check-in to center yourself before we begin:

What you can taste - maybe from something you’ve just eaten or drank. Taste is intimate, immediate, completely yours. As this week ends, what flavor does it leave behind? What do you want to savor as you step into rest?

Challenging Negative Thoughts Cards

This week's free gift is a set of beautifully designed thought-challenging cards that help you break free from negative thinking patterns. These colorful cards feature powerful questions to help you examine difficult thoughts from new perspectives and find more balanced ways of thinking.

Use these cards to:

How to claim your FREE cards: This digital card set is 100% FREE - no strings attached! Simply reply to this email with today's date (July 25, 2025) and we'll send you the high-resolution file within 24-30 hours. You can then print it at home or at your local print shop in any size you prefer.

Reply now with "July 25, 2025" to receive your free Challenging Negative Thoughts Cards! Our team will send your file within 24-30 hours.

Last week, 34% of you responded that the relationship pattern you'd most like to shift is recognizing when you're taking responsibility for other people's emotions. This week, we've invited an expert to explore the exhausting cycle of emotional caretaking and how to distinguish between genuine care and the burden of managing feelings that were never yours to carry.

The Question: “I just realized that I spend most of my energy trying to make sure everyone around me is okay, and I'm exhausted. How do I tell the difference between being caring and taking responsibility for emotions that aren't mine to manage?"  

Answered By: Mindy Jones, MS, LPC Associate 

The Response:

If this sounds like you, you're not alone. And you're also not broken. You're probably a caring person who is deeply attuned to those around you. But the weight of carrying what no one asked you to carry has left you feeling exhausted, emotionally drained, and unable to attend to your own feelings.

These patterns often begin in childhood, where your emotional survival depended on you being useful. If you grew up in a home where the atmosphere was unpredictable—where you had to be the good girl or boy, the peacemaker, or the one who "didn't cause problems"—then taking on other people's emotions probably became your way to feel safe, needed, or even worthy.

This may look like empathy, and maybe some of it is, but when we blur the lines between caring for someone and taking on what is not ours to carry, we can lose ourselves in the process.

Here's what's actually happening:

Somewhere along the way, your nervous system learned that when someone was upset, you needed to step in and help. Not because you're controlling—but because some part of you believes their emotion is your fault, or somehow, your responsibility.

You may feel that if they're not okay, then you're not allowed to be either. So you try to fix it by apologizing, silencing your needs or truth, or tiptoeing around discomfort.

And carrying that kind of weight over time will cost you your own voice.

This emotional enmeshment can be confused with love. But love doesn't require you to abandon yourself. Your sense of peace should not be dependent upon everyone else being ok. The truth is, bearing the emotional weight of others, over time, does not actually help them.

Instead, it prevents them from learning how to regulate their own emotions. And in that time, you may become more and more resentful, more disconnected from your own needs, and more likely to say yes when you really want to say no.

The Deeper Layer:

The need to manage other people's emotions often stems from fear—fear of rejection or abandonment, conflict, or being seen as cold and uncaring. When you believe that love means sacrificing yourself, boundaries feel unfair. But true love isn't about silencing yourself. It's about showing up fully—without needing to fix anyone else to be accepted or feel like you belong.

Emotional availability is not the same as emotional responsibility. One says, "I care, and I'm here to support you." The other says, "I'll sacrifice my own needs so you don't have to feel uncomfortable." The second might feel like the right thing to do, but it's often rooted in anxiety, not connection.

One Small Step:

When someone that you love or care about becomes upset, practice pausing for a moment and ask yourself: Is their discomfort mine to carry, or theirs to process? You can be present with them and hold space for them, without taking on their emotions.

Your job isn't to rescue people from their feelings—it's to stay grounded enough to be with them in their discomfort. And your calm, attuned presence can speak to their nervous system and offer the safety and connection they need to regulate their own emotions.

Try This:

Instead of: "I'm so sorry, let me fix it!" Try: "That sounds really hard. I'm here if you want to talk."

Instead of: "I must've done something wrong." Try: "I can see you're upset. I'm open to hearing what's going on, but I also trust you to take care of your own emotions."

Instead of: "I'll just keep the peace so no one gets upset." Try: "I'm allowed to have a need, even if it's uncomfortable for someone else at first."

Then say to yourself: "I can be a caring person and have boundaries. I can offer empathy without trying to fix. I am not responsible for managing other people's emotions—only for being honest about my own."

Learning this might be uncomfortable at first, and you might even feel guilty about it. That's normal. It's the growing pain of untangling your worth from how well you manage everyone else. You're starting to trust that the people in your life are allowed to feel their feelings—and you are allowed to feel yours without trying to keep everyone else okay.

That's not selfish. That's freedom.

Mindy Jones, MS, LPC Associate – a Texas-based therapist who helps individuals heal from betrayal trauma and toxic relationship dynamics—particularly those shaped by narcissistic partners or parents.

Professional Profile: Mindy Jones, MS, LPC Associate
Psychology Today Profile: Mindy Jones, MS, LPC Associate

Scientists Crack the Secret Code of Eye Contact

Research finding: Researchers discovered that effective eye contact follows a precise sequence that makes people most likely to interpret a look as a request for help.

In their study with 137 participants completing tasks with virtual partners, the magic pattern was: look at an object, make eye contact, then look back at the same object. This specific timing made the gaze feel communicative and meaningful rather than random.

Surprisingly, people responded identically whether the gaze came from a human or a robot, suggesting our brains are hardwired to recognize these social patterns regardless of the source. It wasn't about how often someone looked or even making eye contact last, it was the contextual sequence that made all the difference.

Why it matters: This research reveals that eye contact is actually a sophisticated language with its own grammar and syntax. When you need someone's help or attention, the timing and sequence of your gaze matters more than the intensity or duration. Your brain instinctively knows this code and responds to it automatically, even when interacting with artificial beings.

This has profound implications beyond human interaction. As social robots and virtual assistants become more common in schools, workplaces, and homes, understanding these patterns helps create technology that feels naturally communicative rather than awkward or confusing.

The findings could also improve communication training in high-pressure environments like sports, defense, or noisy workplaces, and support people who rely heavily on visual cues, including those who are hearing-impaired or autistic.

Try it today: When you need someone's attention or help, try the researchers' sequence: look at what you need help with first, then make eye contact, then look back at the object or task. This natural pattern signals "I need assistance with this specific thing" rather than just "I'm looking at you."

Notice how others use eye contact throughout your day. You'll likely start recognizing the subtle patterns that make some gazes feel communicative while others feel random.

Understanding this hidden language can make your non-verbal communication clearer and more effective in both personal and professional settings.

Today’s Visualization Journey: Drive-In Movie at Twilight

Picture yourself settling into your car at a classic drive-in theater just as the sun begins to set behind the large screen.

You've arrived early to get a good spot, and you're enjoying the ritual of tuning your radio to the right frequency and arranging blankets and snacks. Other families and couples are doing the same in cars around you, creating a uniquely cozy community experience.

The sky slowly deepens from blue to purple as previews begin to flicker on the screen. There's something magical about this outdoor cinema experience: the stars visible above the movie, the freedom to comment without disturbing others, the nostalgic charm of watching a film from your own little mobile living room.

As the feature film begins and full darkness settles around you, you feel the deep satisfaction of ending your week with simple entertainment shared under an open sky.

This is Friday evening done right, relaxed, unhurried, connected to both the story on screen and the peaceful night surrounding you.

Make It Yours: What simple pleasure are you ready to fully enjoy as this week winds down? How can you create your own version of this drive-in feeling - comfortable, entertained, and peacefully settled into weekend mode?

Today’s Affirmations

Friday arrives with natural anticipation for slower rhythms and unstructured time, but sometimes that longing comes with shame about not wanting to be "on" all the time. Your need for rest isn't laziness; it's your body and mind asking for what they need to restore and recharge.

Try this: When you notice yourself wanting rest, try reframing it: "My desire for rest is my wisdom taking care of me." Honor that wisdom without justifying it to anyone, including yourself.

Gratitude Spotlight

Today's Invitation: "What's one routine or habit that felt satisfying to complete this week?"

Why It Matters: Friday often brings relief that the week is over, but it's also worth acknowledging the small disciplines and commitments that got us through it. These aren't necessarily life-changing habits.

They're the ordinary routines that create structure and meaning in our days. Completing them consistently, even imperfectly, is evidence of our ability to take care of ourselves and honor our own intentions.

Try This: Think about why this routine or habit matters to you and how it felt to follow through with it this week. Say quietly, "I kept my commitment to myself." Feel grateful for your own reliability and for the satisfaction that comes from doing what you said you would do, even when motivation was low or circumstances were challenging.

Why it matters today: We often underestimate how much our daily inputs shape who we become. The conversations we have, the content we consume, the environments we spend time in—all of it is quietly building us, one experience at a time. This isn't about perfectionism or avoiding all difficulty, but about being intentional with what we allow to influence us.

Bring it into your day: Look at what you're feeding your mind and spirit today. Are the podcasts, conversations, and environments you're choosing adding something positive to who you're becoming, or are they just filling time?

Today, make one conscious choice about your inputs. Maybe it's listening to something that inspires you instead of something that drains you, spending time with someone who lifts your energy, or simply being more mindful about the mental environment you're creating for yourself. You're always becoming—might as well be intentional about what you're becoming.

"I Learned to Disappoint My Younger Self"

Shared by Casey, 34

At twenty-two, fresh out of college with my English degree, I was convinced I'd be a published novelist by thirty. I had this whole vision: book signings, literary magazine features, maybe teaching creative writing at a small college. I'd write in coffee shops with my laptop, living that authentic writer's life I'd romanticized since high school.

At thirty-four, I'm a content writer for a healthcare company. I write blog posts about diabetes management and insurance procedures. I work from a home office that's actually just my kitchen table, and I haven't worked on a personal writing project in over two years.

For years, I felt like I was wasting my talent. When people asked what I did, I'd say "I'm a writer" but then feel like I had to explain that it wasn't "real" writing. I kept telling myself this job was temporary, just until I got my novel finished, just until I built up enough savings to take risks.

The wake-up call came when I was complaining to my sister about feeling stuck. I was going through my usual speech about how this wasn't what I'd planned, and she interrupted me. "Casey, you've been saying the same thing for three years. What if this is actually your life?"

It stung because she was right. I'd been so focused on what I hadn't achieved that I'd never stopped to ask if I even wanted the struggling artist lifestyle anymore. Did I actually want the financial uncertainty of freelance writing? The constant rejection letters, the side jobs to pay rent?

When I really thought about it, the answer was no. Somewhere between twenty-two and thirty-four, my priorities had shifted. I wanted stability, good health insurance, and the ability to help my parents when they needed it. But I'd never given myself permission to want those things because they didn't match the artistic image I'd created in college.

The relief was immediate. I stopped apologizing for my job and started appreciating it. I write every day, just not fiction. I help people understand complex medical information that actually improves their lives. That twenty-two-year-old version of me might be disappointed, but she didn't know what she was talking about. She'd never paid student loans or realized that sometimes the best life is the steady, meaningful one.

Share Your Story

Have a mental health journey you'd like to share with our community? Reply back to this email. All submissions are anonymized and edited for length with your approval before publication. Each published story receives a $10 donation to the mental health charity of your choice.

Your 3-Minute Writing Invitation: "What's one moment this week when I felt truly myself, and what was happening that made that possible?"

Why Today's Prompt Matters: Friday reflection is perfect for identifying those moments when you felt most aligned with who you actually are. These glimpses of authenticity can help you understand what conditions support your truest self.

Permission to Feel Neutral About Your Accomplishments

You're allowed to complete tasks, reach goals, or receive recognition without feeling particularly proud, excited, or fulfilled by the achievement.

Why it matters: We expect accomplishments to generate positive emotions, but sometimes finishing something feels more like relief than celebration.

Not every achievement needs to be a high point, and feeling neutral about your successes doesn't mean you're ungrateful or that the work wasn't valuable.

If you need the reminder: Your worth isn't measured by how emotionally invested you are in your accomplishments. Sometimes the most mature response to success is quiet satisfaction rather than excitement. You can acknowledge your efforts without needing to feel thrilled about the results.

Tonight's Gentle Review

Invite the day to exhale by asking yourself:

Release Ritual: Think of one person who would be proud of you for making it through this week. Hold that person's pride for you in your heart as you prepare for sleep, knowing you've earned their admiration simply by showing up.

A Podcast for When You're Drowning in Endless Inboxes

What if the key to having more free time isn't working less, but working with more intention? What if you could cut your work hours in half while actually getting more meaningful things done—and what would you do with all that reclaimed life?

Listen to: Good Life Project
Episode: Reclaim Your Free Time: Simple Strategies to Take Back Your Life (with Jenny Blake)

In this eye-opening conversation, systems expert Jenny Blake reveals how she built a business working just 20 hours a week as the sole earner for her household and shares the specific strategies that make it possible.

She breaks down why our obsession with instant response times is literally stealing our lives and explores practical ways to automate the mundane (like putting household essentials on auto-subscription) so you can focus on work that actually sparks you.

Blake challenges the cultural assumption that we need to respond to texts and emails within seconds, explaining how she's "put the snail back into email" and why setting clear boundaries around communication actually strengthens relationships.

She dives into the "burdensome bees"—being bored, burnt out, buried by bureaucracy, or bottlenecked—and offers concrete systems for escaping these productivity traps without sacrificing quality or income.

Why This Matters: You're not lazy for feeling overwhelmed by the endless inboxes and notifications demanding your attention. Blake shows how the thoughtful upfront design of simple systems can give you back hours every week to spend on what actually matters to you.

When to Listen: Perfect for when you're feeling buried under administrative tasks and wondering how some people seem to effortlessly manage it all. Great for a walk when you're ready to question who profits from keeping you constantly busy and distracted.

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Coming Monday: New research reveals the pandemic may have quietly aged your brain even if you never got COVID - plus why this validates what you've been feeling and how your brain might recover.

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*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.