Connection, Not Perfection

This time of year tends to magnify both connection and strain. As holiday plans and family expectations take shape, today’s edition focuses on practical, expert insight for navigating complex emotional dynamics without losing yourself in the process.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🗣 Therapist Corner: Navigating blended-family holidays…
🛠️ Tool of The Week: Shake tension out with counting…
📰 Mental Health News: Workplaces; Gen Z health gaps…
🙏Daily Practice: Honoring and investing in chosen family…

Let's see what you're carrying and what you can set down:

What have you been carrying since you woke up this Monday morning? The weight of the whole week ahead? Worry about getting everything right? What can you set down, even for a minute? The pressure to have it all figured out, the need to start perfectly, or the story that Mondays have to be hard.

When everyone assumes you're always fine, that expectation can feel impossible to break. What would help you change it?

The Therapy Battery Check

Take a moment to check in with yourself using The Therapy Battery Check, a free printable designed to help you understand your emotional energy throughout the day.
A simple yet powerful addition to your therapy toolkit, because healing starts with awareness.

Answered by: Michele LaFemina, MA, LPC, LCADC, ACS, CCS

The holiday season can be a time of joy and connection—but for blended families, it can also bring unique challenges. Merging households, honoring multiple traditions, managing split custody schedules, and navigating stepfamily dynamics often create pressure to achieve a "perfect" holiday. As a therapist, I've worked with many families navigating this complex terrain, and one truth is clear: blended family holidays will not be perfect, and that's okay.

1. Recognize the Complexity

Blended families are made up of multiple histories, cultures, and emotional attachments. Children may feel torn between biological parents, or stepchildren may resist new traditions out of loyalty or discomfort. Acknowledging that these dynamics exist—and validating the feelings of all family members—sets the stage for a more compassionate and realistic holiday experience.

2. Honor Existing Traditions While Creating New Ones

Rather than trying to force one "ultimate" holiday, consider ways to blend traditions respectfully. In my own family, we alternate favorite traditions between households or families. Incorporate rituals that are meaningful to each member, like special recipes, holiday songs, or cultural celebrations. Create new traditions unique to your blended family, giving everyone a shared sense of ownership and connection. Flexibility is key—some traditions may need to evolve or adapt over time, and that's normal.

3. Manage Loyalty Conflicts

Children may feel guilty for enjoying time with a stepparent or new family without their other parent. Normalize these feelings by talking openly about loyalty and reassurance. Reassurance shows children that loving one family does not mean rejecting another. Encourage open communication about what matters most to them during the holidays. Validate their emotions and give them choices when possible.

4. Set Realistic Expectations

Many families enter the holidays expecting instant harmony. The reality is that relationships take time to grow, and first holidays in a blended family may be messy or uneven. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your family:

5. Coordinate with Ex-Partners Respectfully

Holiday logistics often involve coordinating schedules with ex-partners. Maintaining respect, clear communication, and flexibility helps reduce conflict. It would be helpful to:

6. Self-Care for the Adults

Blended family holidays can be emotionally taxing for parents and stepparents. Practicing self-care and setting boundaries is essential:

Final Thoughts

Blended family holidays require intention, patience, and flexibility. By honoring each person's history, creating new shared traditions, and keeping expectations realistic, families can experience meaningful connection even amidst complexity. Over time, traditions may shift, and relationships may deepen—but the foundation of respect, empathy, and open communication will always guide a blended family through the holidays.

Personal Note

My children come from a divorced home. We have blended families, grief, loss of a stepmother, and a lot of love. Divorce and separation have become the new normal in this society. Allowing my children the space to grieve what once was, what currently is, and to find gratitude in the shift of space is essential in moving forward.

Michele LaFemina, MA, LPC, LCADC, ACS, CCS is a Clinical Director, author, public speaker, and mental health advocate. As a divorced mother of three with 26 years in recovery, Michele brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work supporting blended families. She is guided by her faith, her love for her family, and her passion for travel and nature.

The 10-1 Shakeout

What it is: The 10-1 Shakeout is a grounding technique that uses rhythmic movement and counting to bring you back into your body and the present moment.

Why it works: When you're feeling disconnected, spacey, or caught up in your head, this technique pulls you back into physical awareness. The combination of movement, counting out loud, and progressive intensity forces your attention into the here and now. You can't be lost in worried thoughts or dissociated when you're actively shaking your body and keeping track of numbers; your brain has to be present for the task.

How to practice it:

Pro tip: The counting out loud is crucial; it keeps your mind engaged with the physical task. If you lose track of the count, start that round over. The point is to be fully present with the movement and the numbers, not to do it perfectly.

Your Brain Uses Molecular Timers to Decide Which Memories Last, and Which Disappear

The Research: Scientists discovered that long-term memory relies on a sequence of molecular timers that activate at different speeds across brain regions. The study identified three key molecules that each operate on different timescales, determining whether a memory fades quickly or lasts for decades.

Each molecule plays a distinct role. Early timers activate quickly but fade fast, allowing unimportant memories to disappear. Later timers turn on gradually, giving significant experiences the structural reinforcement needed to persist. These molecules are essential for preserving memories over time.

Why It Matters: This overturns the old model that memories simply transfer from short-term to long-term storage through a single switch. Instead, the brain constantly evaluates which experiences deserve longer-lasting storage. The thalamus acts as the decision-making hub, determining which memories get promoted onto these molecular timers.

Try It Today: Memory preservation is an active, ongoing process. Repetition matters because it signals importance to your brain's molecular timers. If you want something to stick, return to it multiple times over days and weeks.

Sleep is also critical. Memory consolidation happens during sleep, when these molecular timers strengthen connections. Prioritizing quality sleep gives your brain time to run these preservation programs. Finally, recognize that forgetting isn't always failure. Your brain lets unimportant memories fade so it can preserve what truly matters.

I can recognize that true connection is built through mutual care, not inherited obligation. The relationships that nourish me are the ones where respect and joy flow freely in both directions.

Think of one person who genuinely delights in who you are, whose face lights up when you show up as yourself. That joy they take in your existence is what a real family feels like.

It's okay to invest more energy in relationships that bring mutual joy than in ones held together only by duty or guilt. Your time and heart are finite; spend them wisely.

Reach out to one person in your chosen family, someone who makes you feel accepted exactly as you are. Tell them what they mean to you. Let them know they're not just a friend; they're family.

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Picture a table set for a meal. Some chairs are filled by people you share DNA with; others are filled by people you chose and who chose you back. What makes it family isn't the bloodline connecting people; it's the way they pass the food, the way they listen, the way they stay when things get hard. Tonight, you can honor the truth that the most meaningful family is often the one you build, not the one you inherit.

Spend three minutes writing: Who are the people who actually function as family in my life, and how can I honor and invest in those relationships more intentionally?

Close your notebook and ask yourself: Who makes me feel most at home in my own skin? Where have I been giving energy to obligatory relationships while neglecting chosen ones that actually nourish me? How can I celebrate my chosen family tomorrow?

"Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what." — Dez Del Rio

The people who love you by choice, not by duty, are the truest family you'll ever have.

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Coming Tuesday: What to say when your family members air your private business in public settings, and how to address privacy violations in the moment without making a scene while protecting future boundaries.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

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*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.