Find Your Preferences

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that “having needs” was risky. So we got good at adjusting, accommodating, and saying “whatever you want.” Today is a gentle rebuilding of your internal signal: what you prefer, what you need, and what you’re done giving away.

Today’s Quick Overview:

💞 Relationship Minute: Reconnecting with your own wants…
🧠 Cognitive Bias Detector: Ingroup bias, same standards…
📰 Mental Health News: Fear-of-flying clinic; chatbot harms
🍽️ Food & Mood: Carrots stabilize mood and focus

Let's check in on where you're protecting your energy and where you're giving it away:

Where does guilt show up when you try to protect your energy? Saying no to plans? Not responding immediately? Choosing rest over availability? That guilt is old programming, not truth. You're allowed to protect what's yours without apologizing for it.

When you've prioritized others for so long, you can lose the signal to your own wants. How connected are you to yours?"

The 8 Dimensions of Wellness Poster

True wellness isn't just about physical health; it's about nurturing every part of yourself. This 8 Dimensions of Wellness framework helps you take a holistic approach to your wellbeing, recognizing that emotional health, meaningful relationships, financial stability, and purpose all play essential roles in how you feel. Download this guide and create a more balanced approach to your wellness today.

Ingroup Bias

What it is: Ingroup Bias is when you automatically give more credit, trust, and forgiveness to people you see as part of "your group," your team, family, profession, community, political side, while judging people outside that group more harshly for the exact same behavior. You interpret "us" generously and "them" critically, even when the facts are identical.

What it sounds like:

Why it's a trap: You defend your group's problems while attacking others for identical issues. You dismiss good ideas because they come from outsiders and excuse behavior from insiders you'd never tolerate from anyone else. Your credibility takes a hit when your standards shift based on who's involved.

Try this instead: Do a quick swap test: "If someone from the other group did this exact thing, would I judge it the same way?" If your answer changes based on who's involved, that's ingroup bias. Use specific behavior language instead of group labels, and set your evaluation criteria before you know who's involved.

Today's Thought Tweak

Why You Keep Repeating the Same Patterns (And What Actually Breaks Them)

You've done the reading. You know your anxiety probably traces back to childhood. And yet — here you are, same reactions, same cycles, same quiet frustration with yourself.

Here's what most self-help skips: awareness alone doesn't heal. The patterns running your life were formed before you had words for them. They live below where insight can reach.

That's what shadow work addresses. Not through theory — through structured, step-by-step tools that access the parts of you still carrying what happened back then.

The Shadow Work & Inner Child Healing Bundle includes 30+ workbooks, guided journals, visualization scripts, and daily practice tools — built on frameworks from IFS therapy, Jungian psychology, and attachment theory.

It covers everything from shame and self-sabotage to people-pleasing, the mother wound, the father wound, and relationship patterns.

Right now, the entire bundle is $9.95 — pre-launch pricing that disappears soon.

This is the inner work most people spend years and thousands of dollars searching for.

When You've Prioritized Others for So Long You Don't Know What You Actually Want

The Scenario: Someone asks you a simple question. "What do you want to eat?" "What do you need right now?" And you freeze. You genuinely don't know. You've spent so long tuning into what others want that you've lost the signal to your own preferences. You default to "I'm fine with whatever" because that's safer than admitting you can't access what you actually want.

The Insight: Chronic self-suppression to maintain relationships can lead to a genuine disconnection from your own internal experience. When you consistently prioritize others' needs over your own, you train yourself to ignore your own signals until they become hard to detect. It's a learned response from relationships or environments where having preferences felt unsafe or unwelcome.

The Strategy: Start rebuilding the connection to your wants with low-stakes decisions.

Why It Matters: When you don't know what you want, you can't fully participate in your own life. You're just responding to everyone else's agendas. Reconnecting with your wants is how you rebuild a relationship with yourself. You deserve to know what you prefer and need, not just what keeps others comfortable.

Try This Next Time: When you catch yourself defaulting to "whatever you want," pause and ask: "If it genuinely didn't matter to anyone else, what would I choose?" Start there. Even if the answer feels small or uncertain, practice voicing it. Safe people will welcome you showing up with wants, not punish you for it.

I can honor my own needs when responding to others' requests. Every yes I give away is a no to something else, and I'm responsible for choosing what gets sacrificed.

Think of one time you said no to someone else's request and yes to yourself instead. That choice, however uncomfortable, protected something that mattered to you.

It's okay to decline requests, invitations, or demands on your time. No isn't cruel; it's honest about your capacity and priorities.

Before automatically saying yes to the next request, pause and ask: "What am I saying no to if I say yes to this?" If the answer is your rest, your boundaries, or your priorities, reconsider your response.

When You Need to Reconnect With Yourself After Relationship Stress

The Scenario: You've been dealing with relationship tension, conflict, or just the general stress of navigating a difficult dynamic with your partner, and you've realized you need time to get back to yourself.

You're feeling depleted, confused about your own feelings, or disconnected from who you are outside of the relationship stress. You need space to process, but you're worried your partner will take it personally or see it as you pulling away.

Try saying this: "I need some time to reconnect with myself after everything we've been navigating. This isn't about pulling away from you. It's about coming back to myself so I can show up better in our relationship. I'm going to take [specific time/activity] to reset."

Why It Works: You're being direct about what you need without apologizing for it. You're helping them understand this is about self-care, not rejection. And you're giving them concrete information about what this actually looks like.

Pro Tip: Actually follow through on reconnecting with yourself. That might look like time alone, doing something that feels like you, journaling, talking to a friend, or just being quiet and checking in with your own feelings. If your partner can't tolerate you needing space to reset, that's worth noticing. Healthy relationships allow both people to have individual identities and time apart. Coming back to yourself isn't abandoning the relationship.

Important: These scripts work best when direct communication is safe and appropriate. Complex situations, including abusive dynamics, certain mental health conditions, cultural contexts with different communication norms, or circumstances where speaking up could escalate harm, often require personalized strategies. A mentalschaft professional familiar with your specific circumstances can help you navigate boundary-setting in ways that fit your specific relationships and keep you safe.

Spotlight Ingredient: Carrots

Carrots are one of the best sources of beta-carotene you can eat, and your brain notices. Your body converts beta-carotene into vitamin A, which supports neurotransmitter function and the membranes lining your brain's blood vessels.

Higher carotenoid levels are linked to more stable blood glucose, which matters because blood sugar crashes are a reliable way to feel irritable and foggy. Carrots are naturally sweet but low on the glycemic index, and their soluble fiber helps keep blood sugar steady after eating.

Your daily dose: 1 cup of carrots, raw or cooked, 4-5 times per week.

Simple Recipe: Honey-Ginger Roasted Carrot Brain Bowls

Prep time: 30 minutes | Serves: 2

Ingredients:

Steps:

Why it works: The beta-carotene converts to vitamin A for neurotransmitter support, while the natural sugars combined with fiber give your brain steady glucose without the crashes that disrupt mood and focus.

Mindful Eating Moment: Notice how the sweetness intensifies when carrots roast. That caramelization is the natural sugars concentrating. Take a second to appreciate that something this simple, a root vegetable, does this much for your brain.

Evening Reset: Notice, Write, Settle

Picture a scale with two sides. On one side sits everything others ask of you. On the other side sits what you need for yourself: rest, time, energy, peace. Every time you say yes to someone else's request, weight shifts to their side. Eventually, your side is empty, the scale tipped completely away from you. Tonight, you can ask yourself: when was the last time you added weight to your own side?

Spend three minutes writing: Where have I been saying yes to others while saying no to myself, and what am I sacrificing by not protecting my own needs?

Close your notebook and ask yourself: What did I agree to today that I didn't actually have capacity for? What need of mine went unmet because I prioritized someone else's request? How can I practice saying no tomorrow when yes means abandoning myself?

"When you say 'yes' to others make sure you are not saying 'no' to yourself." — Paulo Coelho

Every yes to someone else is a choice; make sure it's not always a no to yourself.

Are you a therapist, psychologist, or mental health professional with something meaningful to share?

We're opening up space in our newsletter for expert voices from the field — and we'd love to hear from you.

Whether it’s a personal insight, a professional perspective, or a practical tip for everyday mental health, your voice could make a difference to thousands of readers.

👉 Click here to apply to contribute — it only takes 2 minutes.

Coming Thursday: What to say when friend dynamics trigger self-abandonment patterns, and how to announce you're working on authenticity instead of performing a version of yourself you think they want to see.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

Love what you read? Share this newsletter with someone who might benefit. Your recommendation helps our community grow.

*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.