Gentle Gift Boundaries

The holiday season is starting to hum in the background. Sales, invitations, and pressure to be cheerful arrive all at once. Before the rush sets in, this week is about slowing your nervous system, noticing spending triggers, and reconnecting with rhythms that keep both your mood and your wallet steady.

Today’s Quick Overview:

 🔬Science Spotlight: Your body clock may help prevent Alzheimer’s disease…
🛠️ Tool of The Week: Use the 3-Breath Transition to reset between tasks…
📰 Mental Health News: “AI psychosis” at work; college mental health services…
🙏 Therapist Corner: Avoid holiday guilt by redefining what real giving means…

Let's notice what old patterns are ready to go and what new ways are emerging:

What old pattern are you ready to shed this Monday: the belief that you have to be perfect from the start, or the story that Mondays have to be hard? And what new way is emerging: maybe trusting your own pace, or believing that fresh starts can feel gentle?

Daily rhythms sound great in theory, but reality complicates things. What throws yours off most?

Challenging Negative Thoughts Poster

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Answered by: Kendra O'Berry, LCSW, LISW-CP

Deck the halls with boughs of holly! 'Tis the season to be . . . BROKE? The holiday season is upon us again—that wonderful time of year when the weather is crisp, cider and hot cocoa are plentiful, and our bank accounts are steadily dwindling faster than we can say "Happy Holidays!"

Somewhere, we learned that this season is supposed to be magical with great gifts that bring happiness. And maybe at one time in your life, it was. For others, not being able to give or receive is woven into your history, and this time of year is just another reminder of that story.

Regardless of what truth belongs to you, gift-giving season can fill us with dread, uncertainty, or even worthlessness. If this is you, then you may have been taught that your value depends on the price tag of your gift. But your worth is infinite and inherent; it cannot be tied to anything of material value.

Depending on your cultural expectations, you may find yourself overwhelmed with shopping options. You may buy impulsively because you don't want to "miss out" on a good sale, or have decision paralysis because nothing seems "good enough." You may feel an overwhelming urge to shop because dealing with uncomfortable feelings is hard, and shopping gives you that quick escape.

The instant gratification that shopping gives us is unmatched. When we impulse buy, our brain's reward center lights up, releasing feel-good hormones that make us feel high in the moment. But when that high comes down, so do we. We rethink our purchases and feel guilty about the money we spent. And because guilt and shame are often hand-in-hand, we over-criticize and judge ourselves for not being better than the impulse.

Our relationship with money shows in how we choose to spend or not spend it. Maybe you're so concerned with losing your money that you hardly ever spend it on anything, including yourself. When we see prices higher than we're comfortable with, it triggers the same brain response as pain.

It literally becomes painful to separate from your money, and once that pain connects with the fear of being without, spending becomes its own trauma narrative, and being reminded of times of scarcity can make spending a crippling fear. During the holiday season, when materialism is praised, you may feel guilty that you don't spend or ashamed that you don't have it to spend.

You are not alone. Wherever you are on the spectrum of "having money," thriving (not just surviving) through the holidays is possible for you. Here are three ways to avoid the guilt of gift-giving this season:

Your presence is the gift. When you ask people about the "true" meaning of the holidays, most answers include "being together with friends and family." So this holiday season, give the gift of presence. Hosting a Friendsgiving potluck or a family game night cuts your cost and allows you to connect with those you love in a meaningful way. Plus the bonus of yummy leftovers!

Say it out loud. Never underestimate the importance of words of affirmation. We spend money trying to find a gift that says "I love you" because most of the time we aren't saying those things out loud. Inside a blank card that costs less than $2, write down how much your relationship with that person means to you and how their presence has impacted your life for the better. Taking time to be intentional with your words can increase intimacy in your relationships and help others know how much they are loved and appreciated.

How can you be of service? Most of us long for things to be taken off our plates. This holiday season, see if someone you love could use your time to help them with something they need—yard work, fixing things around the house, or helping them fold laundry.

Acts of service for people in your life who are always busy or have limited abilities are an invaluable gift they may not receive often. By taking something off their plate, you've given them time to rest, catch up on their favorite shows, or devote time to another important task.

This holiday season, you can thrive by taking a different approach to gift-giving and showing others that it's okay to not overspend. Because when you live in your truth, you give others permission to do the same. And that is a wonderful gift to us all!

With love and kindness, I wish you all very Happy Holidays!

Kendra O'Berry is the founder of People United Counseling & Consulting, where the mission is to provide culturally competent individual, family, and community mental health care that focuses on all the parts that make us: Mind, Body, Spirit, and Community. Kendra is a wife, mother, and DEI champion. With her clinical licensure in Social Work, Kendra is passionate about the well-being of others and hopes to help as many people as possible create their best lives.

Connect with Kendra:

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The 3-Breath Transition

What it is: The 3-Breath Transition is pausing for three intentional breaths whenever you move from one task to another. The first breath releases what you just finished. The second breath brings you into the present moment. The third breath prepares you for what's coming next. It's a tiny reset that takes less than 30 seconds but creates a clean break between activities.

Why it works: Most of us sprint from task to task without ever fully arriving anywhere, carrying mental residue from one thing into the next. When you take just three breaths to transition, you give your nervous system permission to reset. You're not trying to meditate or achieve deep relaxation; you're simply marking the end of one thing and the beginning of another.

How to practice it:

When to use it: Perfect for anyone who feels like they never stop moving. Use it between meetings, before checking your email, after finishing a work task, when you get home from work, or anytime you notice yourself rushing from one thing to the next. It's especially helpful on busy days when your mind feels scattered.

Pro tip: Don't wait until you "have time" for this; the whole point is that it works even when you're busy. The three breaths take less time than scrolling your phone between tasks, and they'll help you show up more focused for whatever comes next.

Your Body's Internal Clock Might Hold the Key to Preventing Alzheimer's

The Research: Scientists discovered that blocking a specific circadian protein called REV-ERBα can protect the brain from Alzheimer's damage. The study showed that blocking this protein significantly raised NAD+ levels in the brain and reduced toxic tau buildup in mice. NAD+ is essential for energy production and DNA repair, and its decline is linked to brain aging.

Why It Matters: This research reframes the body's internal clock as more than just a sleep regulator. It may be critical for brain health and aging. By blocking this protein, researchers raised NAD+ levels naturally, rather than relying on supplements that struggle to reach the brain effectively.

Try It Today: While this research is still in animal models, it reinforces what we know about protecting brain health: your circadian rhythm matters. Irregular sleep and disrupted daily routines may be affecting your brain's long-term resilience.

Prioritize consistent sleep and wake times. Get bright light exposure early in the day and dim lighting at night. Avoid eating late. These habits support your body's natural clock, which supports the cellular processes that keep your brain healthy.

I can rest in my inherent worth without needing to prove it constantly. My value isn't something I earn through performance; it's something I possess simply by being alive.

Think of one person who loves you not for what you do but for who you are. Their presence in your life is proof that you don't have to earn your place here.

It's okay to exist without being useful, productive, or impressive. You don't owe the world constant output to justify taking up space.

Sit quietly and place your hand over your heart. Say out loud or silently: "I am enough, exactly as I am, right now." Notice any resistance that comes up. That resistance is the lie you've been believing. The truth is simpler.

Picture the sun rising each morning without needing to justify itself or prove its worth. It doesn't shine brighter on days when it feels deserving or dim itself when it hasn't accomplished enough. It simply rises because that's what it does, and its presence alone is valuable. Tonight you can remember that your existence works the same way. You don't need to earn the right to be here. You already belong.

Spend three minutes writing: What would change in my life if I truly believed I didn't have to earn love, approval, or my right to exist?

Close your notebook and ask yourself: Where am I performing for acceptance instead of resting in my inherent worth? What am I doing out of obligation that I'd stop if I trusted I was enough without it? How can I remind myself tomorrow that my value isn't conditional?

"You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing. You don't have to do anything to earn it." — Ram Dass

You were born worthy, and nothing you've done or failed to do has changed that fundamental truth.

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Coming Tuesday: What to say when relatives try to correct your child at family gatherings, and how to establish that you're the parent making discipline decisions.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

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*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.