Handle Holiday Triggers

The upcoming holidays are meant to bring connection, but for many, they also resurface family tensions and old wounds. Today’s edition offers guidance for navigating those gatherings without losing your grounding: how to prepare, protect your peace, and recover afterward.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🔬 Science Spotlight: Childhood self-recognition…
🗣 Therapist Corner: Grounding, boundaries, and recovery after family gatherings…
📰 Mental Health News: Youth care gaps; why sharing good deeds feels bad…
🫂 Community Voices: The peace of not overexplaining yourself…

Let's explore who you were before this moment and who you're becoming:

Who were you before this week began: someone with hopes and fears about the days ahead? And who are you now: someone who weathered it all and learned something new about your capacity, your needs, or your beautiful, imperfect humanity?

Sometimes stress harms, sometimes it helps; it depends on how we hold it. What’s your current relationship with stress?

Trauma Response Poster

Download your free Trauma Response Poster: a simple, friendly guide that shows how trauma shows up in your body, thoughts, and feelings. Print it or keep it on your phone as a daily reminder that your responses are valid, and healing is possible.

Answered by: Nicki Bywater, LMFT

It's that time of year again. Holidays with families and extended relatives can trigger deep fears and self-doubt. In the 1995 movie Home for the Holidays, the main character contends with a very dysfunctional family system that may seem all too familiar. Worrisome thoughts swirl in your mind—how can you handle being around these family members and remain sane?

Unrealistically high expectations can derail our best intentions for feeling calm, unaffected, and resistant to past triggering memories. You may find yourself overreacting, lashing out in anger, looking for an easy escape, feeling hypervigilant, shut down, numb, or withdrawn—even from your best support people. It may seem you've become someone you don't recognize, as if trapped in a never-ending fight, flight, or freeze response cycle with no escape.

Before the Gathering: Preparation and Grounding

There is hope for coping with holiday stressors more effectively. Before attending the holiday gathering, check in with your body while visualizing yourself calm and centered. If you dissociate or feel disconnected, practice the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding technique to return to the present: note 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, 2 things you can feel, and 1 thing you can taste—reciting a descriptive sentence for each.

Practice rounds of deep breathing exercises to loosen areas of tightness or tension (like "smell the pizza" breathing). Other grounding strategies include: snapping your fingers, humming a favorite tune, hugging someone you trust, cuddling or petting a beloved dog or cat, rubbing and keeping a favorite item (smooth rock or worry stone) in your pocket, plunging your hands in cold water, sipping something cold or hot, or taking a cold or very hot shower. Practice these strategies before and during holiday events.

During the Gathering: Setting Boundaries

Set boundaries that feel good to you. Limit discussing certain triggering subjects. Change the topic while maintaining eye contact. Don't sit next to triggering people—instead, sit next to trusted people. Set a code word or signal in advance with a support person for when you need a break, need to leave the room, or want to leave the gathering early.

Allow yourself to do what feels right, challenging guilt, shame, doubts, or embarrassment. Role-play in the mirror beforehand or with a trusted person, practicing how you'll speak using an assertive voice tone and language. Practice saying a firm "No," avoiding maybes, and walking away when needed. Wait and pause, letting urges to act out, rage, or yell simply pass by without taking action. Resist temptations to overindulge in carbs, sugary foods, and alcohol as a way to self-medicate.

After the Gathering: Rest and Recovery

Afterwards, notice any exhaustion, tiredness, or depletion—it may feel as intense as if you donated bone marrow. Intentionally rest and recover, extending kindness and compassion to yourself. It's over now, so avoid ruminating or engaging in self-criticism.

Tell yourself that the triggering people no longer have any control or power over you, while comforting the wounded part of yourself. You are safe, loved, and cared for by supportive others and even your own wise self. Congratulate yourself on successfully surviving another holiday with tenacity, wholeness, and self-compassion.

Nicki Bywater is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California, Texas, and Utah, providing telehealth services. She has over 23 years of experience treating many types of patients, specializing in: Anxiety, Depression, Trauma, Grief and Loss, Family and Relational issues. Connect with her Psychology Today profile here.

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Seeing Your Childhood Face Unlocks Long-Forgotten Memories

The Research: Neuroscientists discovered that temporarily viewing a childlike version of your own face can help you access vivid childhood memories you thought were lost. The study involved 50 adults who watched a live video of their face digitally modified to look like they did as a child.

As participants moved their heads, the on-screen image mirrored them in real time. After the illusion, participants recalled significantly more detailed childhood events than those who saw their adult face. The effect was specific to distant memories.

Why It Matters: This research reveals that memory isn't purely mental, it's deeply tied to how we perceive our bodies. By reintroducing bodily cues from childhood, the brain seems to gain easier access to memories stored alongside that physical self-perception. This could eventually lead to therapeutic tools for accessing forgotten memories or treating memory loss.

Try It Today: While you can't replicate the lab setup, you can experiment with embodied memory cues. Looking at childhood photos before trying to recall specific memories might help. Visiting places from your past or imagining yourself at a younger age while journaling could create similar connections.

Consider what your body was like then, how you moved, how the world looked from your height. Engaging your physical senses, not just your mind, might unlock details you thought were gone.

I can speak what's true for me even when it risks disapproval. Peace comes from honoring my voice, not from managing everyone else's reactions.

Think of one time you said something difficult and felt lighter afterward, even if the response wasn't what you hoped for. That relief came from being honest, not from being validated.

It's okay if speaking your truth creates tension or disappoints someone. Silencing yourself to keep the peace isn't peace; it's just controlled fear.

Identify one thing you've been holding back from saying because you're worried about the reaction. You don't have to say it today, but write it down clearly for yourself. Notice how much energy it takes to carry what remains unspoken.

"I Stopped Explaining Myself to People Who Weren't Asking"

Shared by Jordan, 29

I used to defend every single thing I did before anyone even questioned it. Ordering a salad at lunch? "I'm not on a diet, I just really wanted something light." Leaving a party at 9pm? "I have this early thing tomorrow and I've been exhausted all week and traffic's gonna be bad, etc etc." Nobody asked. Nobody cared. But I couldn't help myself.

My brother called me out on it last month. I was explaining why I was taking a solo weekend trip, going on and on about needing time to recharge and how I'd been stressed and blah blah blah. He cut me off. "Jordan, I literally just asked where you were going. I didn't need a recap of the last 6 months of your life."

That hit me weird. I started noticing how much I do this. Buy something online? Immediately justify why it's not a waste of money. Skip the gym? Launch into this whole thing about how busy I've been. Turn down plans? Prepare a full presentation on why I can't make it. I was having entire arguments with people who weren't even criticizing me. Just these made-up voices in my head that I felt like I had to convince.

Now I practice just stopping. "Can't make it, sorry." "That doesn't work for me." No explanation unless someone actually asks for one. Guess what? Nobody pushes back. The interrogation I was preparing for never happens.

Share Your Story

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Picture a pressure cooker with the valve sealed shut. Steam builds and builds with nowhere to go, creating tension that eventually becomes dangerous. Then imagine opening the valve, letting the pressure release in controlled bursts. The contents are still hot, still cooking, but the system can breathe. Tonight, you can recognize that your unexpressed truths work the same way: holding them in creates internal pressure that exhausts you more than speaking them ever could.

Spend three minutes writing: What have I been afraid to communicate, and what am I protecting by staying silent—is it actually peace, or just the avoidance of discomfort?

Close your notebook and ask yourself: Where did I swallow my truth today to avoid conflict? What did that cost me internally? How can I practice speaking what matters tomorrow, even in small ways, without needing a guarantee of approval?

"When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation, you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret." — Shannon L. Alder

The peace that comes from being heard beats the exhaustion of staying silent every single time.

Podcast: "Reset Your Relationship with Stress" (The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos)

Listen: "Reset Your Relationship with Stress" (The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos)

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jenny Taitz reveals that people who believe stress is harmful are more likely to die from stress-related causes, meaning our perception of stress compounds its negative effects. She reframes stress as "the price of a meaningful life" rather than something to eliminate. Key strategies include affect labeling (simply naming emotions reduces their intensity), creating a "hope kit" of small comforting items for quick access, and practicing opposite action, acting contrary to what unjustified emotions urge. Taitz emphasizes swapping circular "why" thoughts with forward-moving "how" thoughts, and connecting daily stressors to larger life purposes.

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Coming Monday: Nostalgic people have more close friends and work harder to keep them, with research showing nostalgia isn't dwelling on the past but your brain signaling that connection matters and motivating you to protect valuable relationships.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

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*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.