Honor What’s Missing

As the holidays draw closer, many people find grief resurfacing in unexpected ways. This week, we’re focusing on how loss and absence shape the season, and on practical ways to honor what’s missing without isolating yourself or pushing feelings aside.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🔬Science Spotlight: Loneliness impacts health and mortality…
🛠️ Tool of The Week: RAIN for difficult emotions…
📰 Mental Health News: Navigating grief during holidays…
🙏Daily Practice: Reaching for connection gently…

Let's acknowledge what absence is making itself known:

What absence is making itself known this Monday? A person who's no longer here? A version of yourself you've outgrown? You can honor it by lighting a candle, speaking their name out loud, or just letting yourself feel the missing without rushing to fill the space.

There's no right way to grieve, yet many of us question whether we're doing it wrong. What creates that doubt for you?

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Answered by: Cherish A. Smith, MA, LMHC

The holiday season is often painted as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. But for people who are grieving—whether after a recent loss or years later—December can feel like standing in the middle of a brightly lit room while wrapped in emotional darkness. Everywhere you turn, the world is celebrating. Meanwhile, your heart is just trying to make it through the day.

As a therapist, I often hear clients say, "Everyone expects me to be happy… but I'm barely holding it together." If this is you, please know: nothing is wrong with you. Holidays can hurt, sometimes deeply, when grief is present.

Why Holidays Feel Especially Painful When You're Grieving

Grief naturally pulls us inward. It slows us down, makes us reflective, and heightens the tender places inside us. Holidays, however, do the opposite—they pull outward. They ask us to gather, celebrate, smile, prepare, perform.

This contrast can create:

And grief doesn't only come from death. People grieving a divorce, estrangement, illness, loss of functioning, or loss of identity can feel equally unmoored during this season. Whether your loss was recent or happened years ago, the holidays can magnify absence. You are not doing the holidays wrong. You are not doing grief wrong. You are doing what humans do when the heart breaks.

When Holidays Hurt: A G.I.F.T. for Grieving Hearts

To help you move through this difficult season, here is a gentle four-step framework—a G.I.F.T. for anyone navigating grief while the world celebrates.

G — Grieve Your Loss

There is no right way to grieve—especially during the holidays.

Your grief may feel heavier this time of year: hollow, overwhelming, lonely, angry, or exhausting. You may not want to participate in traditions that once brought comfort. You may feel out of sync with the people around you.

Grief might look like:

Every expression of grief is valid.

Your mind isn't broken. Your heart is hurting—and hurt needs room.

I — Invitation to Choose What Supports You

Give yourself permission to choose what actually feels supportive, not what you "should" do.

Ask yourself:

Consider making a gentle Plan A and Plan B:

A backup plan isn't avoidance. It's compassion.

F — Freedom to Cancel the Holidays

You are allowed to do the holidays differently this year.

You can skip:

Taking space doesn't mean you'll never enjoy the holidays again. It simply means you can't this year—yet. "Yet" honors that grief is not static. It shifts and softens in its own time.

T — Trust Your Choices

Trust what you need, even if others don't understand.

Trusting yourself doesn't mean fulfilling others' expectations—it means honoring what your heart knows is true. If your holiday is slow, quiet, gentle, or solitary, that's okay.

You Are Not Alone

Grieving during the holidays can feel unbearably isolating, but you are not alone in this experience. The pain you're carrying is real, valid, and worthy of care. Whether you choose to participate, modify, or opt out entirely, you deserve to move through this season at the pace your heart can handle.

If you need extra support this month, here are some helpful resources that offer support for holiday grief:

You don't have to navigate this alone. If you're feeling especially overwhelmed and finding it hard to survive the holidays, consider reaching out to a friend, joining a support group, or connecting with a mental health professional. Accessing support is not a sign of weakness—it's a brave, compassionate step.

Be gentle with yourself. This season may hurt—but you don't have to navigate it without compassion, choice, and community.

Cherish Smith is a Florida-licensed mental health counselor with a master's in psychology and art therapy, specializing in trauma-informed care. She helps adults heal from trauma, grief, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm using Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), art therapy, and traditional talk therapy. Connect with Cherish at allmylinks.com/cherishmentalhealth

The RAIN Practice

What it is: RAIN is a four-step mindfulness practice for working through difficult emotions or moments when you're stuck in self-judgment.

Why it works: Most of us react to painful emotions by either attacking ourselves, numbing out, or distracting ourselves completely. RAIN offers a different path: meeting your experience with honest awareness and compassion.

When you stop resisting what's happening and instead turn toward it with curiosity and care, the grip of the emotion naturally loosens. You shift from being controlled by the feeling to being able to observe it and respond with wisdom.

How to practice it:

Pro tip: The "Investigate with kindness" step is crucial. This isn't about analyzing yourself coldly. Approach your feelings the way you'd comfort a close friend who's hurting. Even a simple gesture like placing your hand on your heart can soften the experience.

Loneliness Is as Dangerous as Smoking, But Most People Don't Realize It

The Research: Researchers surveyed 2,392 people across the US, UK, and Australia, plus 681 healthcare providers, and discovered that both the general public and medical professionals significantly underestimate social connection as a health factor, despite mounting evidence that loneliness and isolation rival smoking and obesity in mortality risk. The study found that people's perceptions hadn't shifted even after the pandemic made isolation a viral topic.

Healthcare providers showed similar blind spots. Most recognized social connections intellectually but didn't treat them as medically relevant, and many reported lacking time or tools to help patients address social concerns.

Why It Matters: This research exposes a dangerous gap between evidence and practice. Scientists have known for years that social isolation increases mortality risk as much as smoking 15 cigarettes daily, yet we're still treating connection as optional rather than essential. Loneliness triggers inflammatory responses, weakens immune function, raises blood pressure, and increases cardiovascular disease risk.

Medical education doesn't adequately cover social determinants of health. Healthcare systems don't build protocols for assessing social isolation. Public health campaigns focus on diet and exercise, while social connection is treated as a "nice to have" rather than a vital sign.

Try It Today: If you're experiencing loneliness or social isolation, understand that this is a medical risk factor. Prioritize social connection. Seek out community groups, volunteer opportunities, or structured social activities that create regular human contact. If you're a healthcare provider, start treating social connection as a vital sign. Ask patients about their social relationships as routinely as you check blood pressure.

I can reach out for connection instead of isolating when things get hard. Belonging to others isn't a luxury; it's what makes life sustainable and meaningful.

Think of one time when a connection with someone lifted you out of a dark place. That moment proved that you don't have to carry everything alone, even when it feels like you do.

It's okay to need people and to admit when you're struggling. Asking for connection isn't burdening others; it's trusting them with the truth.

Reach out to one person today, not to accomplish anything or get advice, but just to connect. Send a text, make a call, or spend a few minutes together. Let yourself feel what togetherness creates that isolation never can.

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Evening Reset: Notice, Write, Settle

Picture a single candle burning alone in darkness. It provides some light, but the shadows are heavy, and the warmth is limited. Now imagine a circle of candles, each flame reflecting off the others, creating brightness that fills the space. The light multiplies not because any single candle burned brighter, but because they gathered together. Tonight, you can remember that your life works the same way: connection amplifies what's possible.

Spend three minutes writing: Where have I been isolating myself when reaching out would help, and what stops me from letting people in when I need them most?

Close your notebook and ask yourself: When did I feel most connected today? Where did I choose isolation out of fear or pride? How can I practice reaching for togetherness tomorrow instead of defaulting to handling everything alone?

"While loneliness engenders despair and ever more isolation, togetherness raises optimism and creativity. When people feel they belong to one another, their lives are stronger, richer, and more joyful." — Vivek H. Murthy

Isolation convinces you you're alone; connection reminds you you never were.

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Coming Tuesday: The "different timeline" acceptance, or why holiday gatherings spotlight milestones you haven't hit yet, and how your worth isn't measured by checking off life events on someone else's schedule.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

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*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.