How Did You Do That?

Have you ever been asked how you do something you've done a hundred times, only to realize you have no idea how to explain it?

Maybe it's a recipe you've never measured, a knot you tie without looking, or a small repair your hands seem to remember on their own. Experience teaches us things that don't always translate neatly into words.

Today's edition explores that quieter kind of knowledge, and why trying too hard to explain every step can sometimes get in the way.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🌟Confidence Builders: Skills you know but can't explain…
🗣️ The Overthinking Toolkit: When thinking disrupts automatic movements…
🙏 Daily Practice: Notice what you know by doing…
📰 Mental Health News: Online friendships and time in nature…

Gratitude doesn’t need a list or a lesson. Just a quick look at what’s already here.

Think of one thing experience has taught you to recognize. The smell of something cooking, a familiar voice, or the moment a favorite song is about to reach the chorus.

People learn in different ways, and none of them is the wrong way. What kind of teaching suits you best when you’re the learner?

The Knowing That Lives in Your Hands

What it is: Some of what you know is easier to demonstrate than to put into words. You can tell the dough is ready by how it springs back under your palm. You recognize a song before the chorus ends.

You fix a stubborn appliance by nudging the back panel a certain way, and you couldn’t write those steps down if someone asked. This practice is about noticing that kind of knowing and giving it credit, even when no neat explanation comes with it.

Why it works: Many of us are taught to trust what we can say out loud. If we can’t explain how we did something, it can start to feel like we got lucky, or that we don’t really understand it.

Your hands, eyes, and attention have been collecting information for years. Some people know things more easily by doing them than by describing them, and that is a real way of knowing.

This kind of knowledge, sometimes called tacit knowledge, is common in cooking, caregiving, trades, music, and many other everyday skills. It often goes unnoticed because it doesn’t show up on a résumé or in a conversation. Difficulty putting it into words doesn’t mean the skill is shaky.

This week’s challenge: Think of a skill you’ve developed through experience. What can you recognize or do now that once took deliberate thought? You don’t have to explain every step to see that you’ve learned something.

Small win to celebrate: You did something well and let yourself count it, without needing to narrate every move first.

Try this today: Choose one task you can do without thinking hard about it. Do it at your own pace and notice one detail your senses pick up, like the weight of a pan, the sound of a kettle, or the feel of a knot. Let that detail be enough.

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When Explaining Every Step Can Make You Worse at Something You Know

What’s happening: You’re rinsing a bottle, untangling a cable, or kneading dough, and your hands just do it. Then someone asks how you do it, or you decide to show a friend, and suddenly everything feels clumsy.

You start narrating to yourself. Lift here, twist there, wait for the click. Halfway through, you lose the thread and fumble something that used to be easy.

Why your brain does this: With practice, some familiar movements become more automatic. You no longer need to consciously plan every step. But when you start closely monitoring each movement, that extra attention can sometimes interrupt the rhythm you’ve developed.

Researchers call one version of this explicit monitoring. It helps explain why a familiar skill, like typing or tying shoes, may suddenly feel awkward when you try to control every part of it. An awkward attempt doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve lost the skill.

Today’s Spiral Breaker: Let the Hands Lead

The next time you notice that mentally narrating a familiar task is making it harder, try this:

When Slowing Down Helps: Some things do need careful steps. Learning something new, following a safety procedure, or teaching a beginner can all benefit from slowing down and naming each part. Explanation is useful in those moments. But turning a well-practiced movement into a step-by-step checklist can sometimes interrupt its usual flow.

I can give myself credit for what I know how to do, even when I can’t explain how I do it. Being able to say how isn’t the only proof that I know.

Think of one thing experience has taught you to recognize or handle, like which checkout line will move faster, when a friend needs some space, or when it’s time to head home. If nothing comes to mind, that’s okay. Plenty of knowing goes unnoticed because it never needed a name.

It’s okay if explaining is hard for you, for any reason. It’s also okay if explaining comes easily and you still doubt your skills. And when something calls for careful steps, like learning something new or following a safety procedure, it’s okay to slow down and spell it out.

Think of something you do well. If a friend asked you to teach it, what’s the first thing you would show them instead of say? You don’t have to write it down or explain it. It’s enough to think about what you’d show. If nothing comes to mind, that’s okay too.

When Someone Asks You to Show Them How

The Scenario: Your friend tastes your pie at Friendsgiving and asks, “Okay, how do you get the crust like this?” You’ve made it a hundred times. You know when the dough feels right, when to stop adding water, how long to let it rest. But when you try to explain it, it comes out as “You just kind of... add water until it looks right?” Your friend looks confused, and you wish you could explain what your hands already seem to know.

Try saying this: “Honestly, I’m not sure I can explain it well. I kind of just know by feel. Want to make one together sometime? I’ll talk you through it as we go.”

Why It Works: It sets a realistic expectation, since you’re letting your friend know that showing will be easier than explaining everything from memory. Watching and trying it together gives your friend another way to learn, especially when the steps are difficult to describe. And it turns a question into time together, so nobody needs a perfect explanation.

Pro Tip: As you go, try saying out loud what you notice, even if it sounds vague: “See how it’s starting to hold together? That’s when I stop adding water.” Those small cues are often the real recipe. If your friend learns better with written steps, you can work them out together while you cook, and they can jot down what you do. You’ll probably both learn something about how you actually do it.

Important: These scripts work best when direct communication is safe and appropriate. Complex situations, including abusive dynamics, certain mental health conditions, cultural contexts with different communication norms, or circumstances where speaking up could escalate harm, often require personalized strategies. A mental health professional familiar with your specific circumstances can help you navigate boundary-setting in ways that fit your specific relationships and keep you safe.

Evening Reset: Notice, Write, Settle

You’re standing at the foot of a bed with a basket of clean towels, still warm from the dryer. You start the first one carefully, matching the corners and smoothing it flat with your palm, a little tight in the shoulders as if you want to get it right. By the third towel, your hands have stopped asking permission. The corners find each other. Your shoulders come down without your noticing. Outside the window, the light is flat and gray, and a stack of folded towels is growing at your elbow, each one square and soft. You glance at the pile and realize you stopped counting a while ago.

Spend three minutes writing: Who showed me something I now do without thinking, and what do I remember about how they showed me? If nothing comes to mind, you can write about something you’d like someone to show you.

Close your notebook and ask yourself: Was there a moment today when slowing down and going step by step actually helped? Is there something I’m still learning that deserves careful steps right now? Did I pick up anything today by watching someone else?

“We can know more than we can tell.” - Michael Polanyi

Some things you learn by doing, and some by spelling them out. Both take real skill.

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Coming Friday: Why the end of a stressful event doesn’t always bring relief right away, and how the body and mind can take their own time to catch up.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

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*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.