Let Feelings Exist

If you were taught that emotions are inconvenient or dangerous, identifying them now can feel surprisingly hard. Today, we explore how to validate what you feel, regulate your nervous system gently, and make emotions more manageable by naming them.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🔬 Science Spotlight: Loneliness and memory performance…
🛠️ Tool of The Week: Soften, soothe, and allow….
📰 Mental Health News: Screenings; overlooked brain signals…
🙏 Daily Practice: Naming what you feel…

Let's check in on what you need permission to do in order to actually recover:

What do you need permission to do in order to actually recover? Recovery doesn't happen if you're treating it like a reward you haven't earned. What permission are you withholding from yourself?

When emotions have been labeled as dangerous, even identifying what you feel becomes difficult. What did childhood teach you about your feelings?

What to Tell Yourself When It's Too Much Poster

Some days, your own thoughts aren't the most helpful thing in the room. This free poster gives you 15 coping statements to reach for when you're overwhelmed. Print it out, save it to your phone, or keep it somewhere you'll actually find it when you need it.

One of the Last Times 💛

We're stepping into a new chapter — which means we'll be closing our digital downloads for good. A few more reminders will go out, then these bundles disappear completely. 🕯️

Four healing systems are still available while the window is open:

🧩 Attachment Style Healing — 27 tools for the patterns that keep repeating with different people's faces on them.

👉 Get Your Bundle

🧠 DBT Skills Complete Toolkit — all four core modules, for emotions that go 0 to 100 with no warning.

👉 Get Your Bundle

🌑 Shadow Work & Inner Child Healing — 30+ tools for the wounds that were wired in before you had words.

👉 Get Your Bundle

🌱 Self-Love & Confidence Builder — 26 resources for when affirmations in the mirror were never going to be enough.

👉 Get Your Bundle

To our pre-launch community — thank you for your patience. Every outstanding resource is on its way. 🌿

Answered by: Becky Alberico, LPC

"And how does that make you feel?" Blank stare. "I…I don't know."

For many people, this is their first experience in therapy. They've reached a point where pushing emotions down, having monthly blowups, or snapping at their kids just isn't working anymore. And while it may feel like failure, it isn't—it's learned.

How We Learn That Feelings Are Bad

From an early age, many of us are taught—by caregivers and society—that feelings are bad, wrong, or not allowed. Think back: you cried over a toy and were told, "Stop being dramatic." You were heartbroken after your first breakup and heard, "You'll get over it."

You pushed away a dinner you didn't like and were met with frustration instead of understanding. To a child's brain, these very different moments all send the same message: feelings are unacceptable.

As adults, we can see those situations differently. Of course, it's okay to dislike certain foods or grieve a relationship. But when you've internalized the idea that emotions are "bad," even identifying what you feel can be difficult—like asking someone who's never cooked to tell cinnamon from cumin at a glance. And it's not just two options; it's a whole cupboard full of complex, spicy emotions.

When Your Brain Treats Emotions Like Threats

Our brains are wired to protect us. If you come face-to-face with a lion, your nervous system activates instantly, pushing you to fight, flee, or freeze.

But when emotions have been labeled as dangerous, the brain can start treating them the same way. Anger, sadness, anxiety—each one can trigger that same alarm system.

So in everyday life, small stressors stack up. Your nervous system stays activated, your anxiety builds, and by the end of the day you're overwhelmed and on edge. If you make it to bedtime without melting down or yelling, it feels like a win—but you're completely exhausted.

This Isn't Your Fault

And none of this is your fault. If your caregivers didn't learn how to understand and regulate their own emotions, they couldn't teach you how to do it either. The good news is: these are skills, and skills can be learned.

Step 1: Validate What You Feel

The first step is to remind yourself that any feeling that comes up is valid. Be your own hype person. It can sound like, "Ya know what, it's okay that you're feeling ___ right now. You're allowed to feel ___—it's a really ___ situation."

It might feel a little awkward at first, but our brains process through our senses, so saying it out loud helps it stick. And for those of us with a whole cupboard full of emotional spices, sometimes the best you can do is name the big one: "I feel overwhelmed—and that's okay."

For bonus points, try communicating it. Saying how you feel—out loud, to yourself or someone else—adds a second layer of validation.

Step 2: Help Your Body Settle

From there, the next step is helping your body settle. Because regulation isn't just about thinking differently—it's about getting your nervous system out of threat mode. Even when you can say, "It makes sense that I'm feeling this way," your body may still feel activated.

That's where soothing comes in. Slowing your breath (try square breathing), releasing tension in your body (unclench your jaw and abdomen, drop your shoulders, wiggle your fingers and toes), or simply pausing for a moment can signal to your brain that you're safe.

As your nervous system settles, the intensity of the emotion softens. You can also gently remind yourself: it's okay to have emotions, and they won't last forever.

Step 3: Choose Your Response

And then comes choice. With a calmer body and a validated experience, you can respond intentionally—whether that's problem-solving, setting a boundary, or expressing what you need. In other words: validate, allow, soothe, then choose—one spice at a time, not the whole cupboard at once.

Becky Alberico, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and owner of Pittsburgh, PA-based BA Therapy. Becky specializes in therapy for relational trauma, working most often with Millennial and Gen-Z clients. Her therapeutic approach emphasizes emotional support in a safe and welcoming environment, balancing deep exploration with moments of levity during her sessions. Connect with Becky on Psychology Today or follow her on Instagram @becky.rico.lpc.

Soften, Soothe, and Allow

What it is: A practice for working with difficult emotions by finding where you feel them in your body and meeting them with gentleness rather than resistance.

Why it works: Resisting painful emotions usually makes them more intense, not less. Softening your body around the sensation reduces the physical tension that amplifies emotional pain, while soothing yourself validates that what you're feeling is genuinely hard.

Allowing the emotion to be present rather than fighting it reduces the extra layer of suffering that comes from resistance itself. Together, these three steps help you hold difficult feelings without being at war with them.

How to practice it:

When to use it: When difficult emotions feel overwhelming, when you're caught in something you can't think your way out of, or when you notice yourself fighting what you're feeling rather than just feeling it.

It works well with grief, fear, anger, and sadness, though it's best used with mild to moderate emotional difficulty rather than your most intense experiences.

Pro tip: If at any point the practice feels like too much, open your eyes, return to your breath, or do something grounding. Stopping when you need to is an act of self-compassion in itself. The goal isn't to make the sensation disappear. It's just to sit with it without making things harder for yourself.

Loneliness Lowers Memory Performance But Doesn't Accelerate Decline

Read the Study

The Research: Researchers followed 10,217 adults aged 65-94 across 12 European countries over seven years, measuring loneliness and memory performance through recall tests.

People reporting higher loneliness scored lower on memory tests at the start of the study. But despite starting at a lower baseline, the high-loneliness group didn't experience faster memory decline over the seven years.

Their rate of decline was similar to that of those with low or average loneliness. The gap in performance existed from the beginning and stayed relatively stable over time.

Why It Matters: Loneliness is often described as accelerating cognitive decline, putting lonely older adults on a fast track to memory loss.

This research complicates that picture. Lonely people do have worse memory performance, and that's real and worth taking seriously. But their memory doesn't deteriorate faster than that of socially connected people.

Loneliness appears to affect baseline cognitive performance, possibly by keeping the brain operating below its potential through chronic stress or reduced stimulation, rather than speeding up the aging process itself.

Try It Today: If you're lonely or supporting someone who is, the evidence doesn't strongly suggest loneliness is accelerating brain deterioration toward dementia.

What the research does suggest is that addressing loneliness might help your brain function better right now, not by reversing aging, but by removing something that's suppressing your current cognitive capacity.

Social connection, even in small doses, is still worth pursuing, just for different reasons than you might have thought.

I can name what I'm experiencing instead of hiding it. Saying something out loud makes it less overwhelming than keeping it locked inside.

Think of one time when naming something difficult made it feel more manageable. That act of speaking it reduced its power over you.

It's okay to talk about what you're feeling, even when it's uncomfortable. Silence doesn't protect you; it just isolates you with whatever you're carrying.

Identify one thing you've been avoiding saying out loud because it feels too vulnerable or shameful. Say it to yourself first, then consider sharing it with someone safe. Notice how naming it shifts your relationship to it.

Evening Reset: Notice, Write, Settle

Picture carrying something heavy in the dark. You can't see what it is, just feel its weight pressing down. The longer you carry it in silence, the heavier and more monstrous it becomes. Now, picture turning on a light and seeing it clearly. It's still heavy, but it's no longer an unknown terror. Naming what you're carrying is turning on that light. Tonight, you can recognize that what remains unspoken stays scarier than it needs to be.

Spend three minutes writing: What have I been keeping silent about that grows heavier in the hiding, and what might shift if I named it out loud?

Close your notebook and ask yourself: What did I avoid mentioning today that needed to be said? Where did silence make something worse than honesty would have? How can I practice tomorrow naming what's hard instead of carrying it alone?

"Anything that's human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable." — Fred Rogers

What you can name, you can manage; silence keeps struggles scarier than they need to be.

Are you a therapist, psychologist, or mental health professional with something meaningful to share?

We're opening up space in our newsletter for expert voices from the field — and we'd love to hear from you.

Whether it’s a personal insight, a professional perspective, or a practical tip for everyday mental health, your voice could make a difference to thousands of readers.

👉 Click here to apply to contribute — it only takes 2 minutes.

Coming Tuesday: What to say when stress made you short and irritable with family and you need to repair, acknowledging the behavior they experienced without following your apology with justifications that undermine the repair.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

Love what you read? Share this newsletter with someone who might benefit. Your recommendation helps our community grow.

*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.