Nourish Without Rules

As the holidays approach, so does the guilt spiral: diet talk, "saving up" for meals, plans to "make up for it" later. If that noise is loud for you, you're not alone. Today we're choosing care over control: nourishment without earning it, and tools to ride emotions without turning food into a battleground.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🔬 Science Spotlight: Disordered eating may be caused by delayed brain maturation…
🛠️ Tool of The Week: Emotion surfing…
📰 Mental Health News: Decluttering lifts mood; talk screening for depression…
🙏Therapist Corner: Break free from pre-holiday diet traps…

Let's see what you're holding onto and what's ready to be released:

What are you holding onto as this week begins? Maybe hope for a fresh start or determination to show up. And what's ready to be released? Perhaps the pressure to be perfect or the exhaustion you've been carrying. Hold what serves you, release what weighs you down.

Letting go can be harder than holding on. What stops you?

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The Pre-Holiday Diet Trap: A Self-Compassionate Reminder

Answered by: Anne-Sophie Selwyn, Counselling Psychologist, MCounsPsych, MNZPsychSoc

As fall begins, so does the pressure to “prepare” for holiday eating—through detoxes, cleanses, or restrictive diets. But this messaging isn’t helpful—it’s harmful. If you’ve been pulled into this thinking—or have already started restricting—you’re not alone.

And you’re not failing. These messages are everywhere, and they can be especially hard to resist if you have a history of disordered eating or if you’re struggling with body changes due to health conditions or perimenopause/menopause. 

But here’s a gentle truth: You don’t need to earn your food, nor do you have to shrink yourself to deserve celebration, joy, or connection.

Here’s why the pre-holiday diet trap backfires—and what to do instead:

Dieting Before Holidays Often Leads to:

Health at Every Size® Reminds Us:

This Holiday Season, You Deserve:

So:

Listen to your body, not food rules.

Feed yourself consistently. Your body deserves nourishment every day—not just when it’s “earned.”

Let go of moral labels.

There are no “good” or “bad” foods. Food is not a test. It’s fuel, pleasure, tradition, and care.

Practice kindness toward your body.

You don’t need to love everything about it to treat it with respect. Wear comfortable clothes. Rest when you need. Speak to yourself with softness.

Set boundaries around diet talk.

You’re allowed to say: “I’m focusing on caring for myself, not controlling my body right now.” If you’ve already started restricting, it’s ok. Be kind to yourself. Pause. Eat. Breathe. You can shift gently without guilt. Remind yourself: I don’t need to punish myself to feel worthy.

You’re doing your best in a culture that makes it really hard to trust yourself. But healing is possible—and every small act of care counts. Every meal is a chance to choose care over control. 

You don’t need to “get ready” for the holidays. 

You are already enough, exactly as you are. 

No detox, diet, or plan needed.

The holidays are not a test you need to prepare for. You are not a problem to be fixed before the turkey is served. Whether you’re navigating recovery, unlearning diet culture, or simply trying to be kinder to yourself, the Health at Every Size framework offers a compassionate path.

You deserve to:

Let this be the year you opt out of the pre-holiday diet trap—and choose nourishment, connection, and freedom instead.

Need Support?

Anne-Sophie has over 22 years of experience working as a psychologist across Australia and New Zealand. Her passion lies in supporting adults to find peace with food and their bodies. She embraces a compassionate and Health At Every Size ® approach. Together with like-minded colleagues, Natasha Amarasekara and Rose Tobin, Anne-Sophie established a specialised Eating Disorder clinic based in Auckland, New Zealand, and can be found at https://www.eatingdisorderpsychologycollective.co.nz

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Emotion Surfing

What it is: A practice where you ride difficult emotions like waves instead of fighting them. When anger, anxiety, or shame rise, imagine yourself on a surfboard. The emotion is the wave beneath you. It will rise, crest, and fall on its own. Your job is simply to maintain your balance until it passes.

Why it works: When you allow emotions to move through you without resistance, they follow a natural arc and dissipate faster. You're teaching your nervous system that feelings, even intense ones, aren't emergencies; they're temporary experiences you can tolerate.

How to practice it:

When to use it: When you feel rage rising and want to say something you'll regret. During anxiety spirals when fighting makes it worse. When shame floods you. Any time you're desperately trying to escape what you're feeling.

Pro tip: Start with smaller waves: mild irritation rather than rage. Most emotions peak within 90 seconds if you don't feed them with thoughts. Use the image that works for you, like a surfer, a boat, tree. What matters is developing trust that you can stay present with difficult feelings.

58% of Young Adults Show Disordered Eating, and Their Brains Reveal Why

The Research: Researchers followed 996 adolescents from ages 14 to 23. Only 42% were healthy eaters by age 23, while 33% showed restrictive eating and 25% showed emotional/uncontrolled eating. Brain scans revealed that unhealthy eaters experienced delayed brain maturation during adolescence. Both groups had higher anxiety and depression at 14, which intensified through early adulthood.

Why It Matters: This research reveals that disordered eating isn't primarily about willpower; it may be linked to how your brain develops during adolescence. Over half of young adults showing problematic eating patterns suggests this is a widespread developmental challenge.

Try It Today: If you're a parent of a teenager showing anxiety or depression alongside eating concerns, recognize these may be early warning signs. For young adults struggling with disordered eating, understand that your brain's development may have contributed. This isn't failure, it's biology. Addressing underlying anxiety and depression could help.

I can practice discernment about what to hold and what to release. Not everything worth starting is worth finishing, and not everything I've carried this far needs to come with me.

Think of one thing you let go of that felt scary at the time but ultimately freed you. That release made space for something better, even if you couldn't see it then.

It's okay to stop fighting for something that's already gone. Persistence is valuable, but so is knowing when to open your hands.

Write down one thing you're gripping too tightly (a grudge, a plan, an expectation, a relationship dynamic) and one thing you're giving up on too easily. Notice the difference between the two. Sometimes we hold the wrong things and release what we should protect.

Picture someone crossing a river using stepping stones. To move forward, they must release their weight from one stone before stepping onto the next. Trying to stand on two stones at once means falling. Refusing to lift their foot means staying stuck. Balance isn't holding everything; it's knowing which stone to trust and which one to leave behind.

Spend three minutes writing: What am I holding onto out of fear rather than love, and what am I ready to release so I have hands free for what's actually meant for me?

Close your notebook and ask yourself: Where am I exhausting myself by refusing to let go? What do I need to hold more firmly that I've been treating carelessly? How can I tell the difference between giving up and wise surrender?

"Life is a balance between holding out and letting go." — Rumi

Knowing when to grip and when to release is the balance that keeps you moving forward.

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Coming Tuesday: What to say when your family treats your mental health medication or therapy as shameful, and how to challenge stigma by reframing mental healthcare as legitimate medical treatment.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

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*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.