Set Seasonal Boundaries

As the holidays approach, the cultural script says joy, but for many, the season reopens old wounds. Today’s issue looks at what happens when the holidays collide with our inner child.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🔬 Science Spotlight: How control fuels problem-solving…
🗣 Therapist Corner: When the holidays reopen old childhood wounds…
📰 Mental Health News: Antidepressant data; Anxiety-tech fixes…
🫂 Community Voices: Treating every interaction as a competition…

Let's see what you're holding onto and what's ready to be released:

What are you holding as this week ends? The lessons learned or pride in your resilience? And what can finally be released? The week's disappointments or the voice saying you didn't do enough. Let your hands open to both keep and release.

Holiday stress looks different for everyone. Tell us where you'd most like support:

Shadow Work Responses Poster

Download your free Shadow Work Responses Poster, a clear guide to six common shadow responses: projection, triggers, avoidance, envy, the inner critic, and resistance. Learn how they feel inside, how they show up outside, and what you can do about them with gentle practices. Print it or save it as a reminder that shadow work is about noticing, exploring, and integrating hidden parts of yourself.

Answered by: Daniela Nuño, LPC Associate (Texas, USA)

What if it’s Not the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

The holiday season is often pictured as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. However, for many adults, the holidays are a mix of echoes from childhood – either reminding them of simpler times or evoking painful memories.

The atmosphere we grew up in—whether warm and secure, tense and unpredictable, or quietly distant—often lingers, shaping how our “inner child” experiences the holidays today.

Obvious Wounds:

Sometimes the link between childhood and adult holiday stress is painfully clear. What should be a time of celebration can instead stir fragments of difficult memories when families are shaped by abuse, neglect, loss, mental illness, substance use, divorce, or financial strain. Children in these environments often learn to brace for conflict and expect the worst, even in moments that are supposed to feel joyful.

Subtler Patterns at Play:

Other holiday patterns are subtler but no less lasting. In families where perfectionism and appearances dominated, celebrations often focused on flawless gatherings rather than genuine connection.

As adults, children from these households often bear the weight of maintaining traditions and upholding their family's reputation, leaving little room to relax or simply enjoy the season.

For some, cultural expectations can intensify this pressure. In collectivist families, children often learn early to prioritize family needs and care for elders, sometimes at the expense of their own comfort or joy.

Similarly, neurodivergent individuals may experience heightened stress when trying to meet rigid expectations or fit into the “perfect holiday scene,” feeling particularly isolated or overwhelmed.

When emotions are ignored or left unspoken, holidays can feel empty or hollow. For adults, this often translates into two patterns: some disengage from traditions altogether, while others chase an elusive sense of belonging they never fully experienced as children.

Both responses can contribute to diminished well-being, mental and behavioral health challenges, increased loneliness, and persistent feelings of shame.

When the Body Keeps the Season.

These experiences leave more than a psychological imprint—they are deeply physiological. The nervous system encodes emotional experiences, especially those tied to safety or threat.

A child’s body may have shifted into fight, flight, or freeze during moments of stress caused by conflict, loss, or unrealistic holiday expectations. Beyond that, children often absorb the emotional energy from those around them, internalizing others’ tension as their own.

Decades later, familiar cues, grief, or even the anticipation of the holidays can trigger the same stress responses. Adults may find themselves feeling anxious, exhausted, or irritable—often without realizing that their bodies and inner child are still reliving the old dynamics of those early experiences.

Wholeness With Your Inner Child Through Healing.

These holiday echoes show how deeply family experiences shape our minds, bodies, and relationships. For some, the season brings warmth and nostalgia; for others, it stirs anxiety, grief, shame, or a desire to withdraw.

Yet the holidays do not have to replay the patterns of childhood. By recognizing the memories carried by their inner child, adults can approach the season with compassion, nurture old wounds, create new experiences for themselves and others, and cultivate celebrations that truly reflect who they are today.

Strategies:

Daniela Nuño, LPC Associate, is a therapist specializing in the lasting impact of childhood experiences, including the influence of family, societal, and cultural systems.  She helps adults nurture their inner child, heal attachment wounds, and regulate the nervous system through somatic and relational approaches.

You can find more of her work through the following links:

Links:

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Feeling in Control Makes You More Likely to Actually Solve Your Problems

The Research: Researchers tracked over 1,700 adults for a decade, having them report daily stressors and their sense of control. On days when people felt more control than usual, even moving from "a little" to "some", they were 62% more likely to take action to resolve stressors. This effect strengthened with age.

Why It Matters: Feeling in control isn't just comforting; it directly predicts whether you'll actually solve your problems. Understanding that control is a daily, variable perception rather than a fixed trait means you can actively cultivate it.

Even small shifts in perceived control can dramatically change whether you tackle problems or let them compound.

Try It Today: When facing stressors, focus on what's within your control rather than what isn't. Break overwhelming challenges into smaller steps.

Simple strategies like setting priorities, making lists, or asking for help can create "small wins" that build momentum. At day's end, reflect on which problems you resolved and what gave you a sense of control. This helps you recognize your capacity to influence situations.

I can honor what's already within me instead of forcing myself into someone else's shape. Growth isn't about becoming something foreign; it's about revealing what was always there.

Think of one quality you possess that emerged naturally, without effort or instruction. That trait was never taught; it simply unfolded as part of who you are.

It's okay to stop trying to fix or improve every part of yourself. Some things don't need correction; they need acceptance and space to develop naturally.

Reflect on one strength or inclination you've always had, even as a child. Instead of asking "how can I be better," ask "what part of me wants more room to unfold?" Listen without judgment.

“ I Realized I Was Competing With Everyone About Everything."

Shared by Tyler, 28

I didn't notice I was doing it until my girlfriend called me out. We were at dinner with friends, and someone mentioned having a rough week at work. Before they could even finish, I cut in with "Oh man, tell me about it, I've been working till midnight every night and my boss is a nightmare."

In the car later, she asked why I always do that. "Do what?" She looked at me. "Make everything a competition about who has it worse."

I got defensive at first, but then I started noticing. Friend says they're exhausted? I'm more exhausted. Someone's stressed? I'm way more stressed. Coworker's commute sucks? Mine's longer. I was basically one-upping people's problems like I had something to prove. And the thing is, it was draining. Maybe I thought it showed I could relate or something.

But really, I was just making everything about me and dismissing what they were going through. Now, when someone tells me they're having a hard time, I shut up and listen. That's actually what people want, not a reminder that I've got it worse.

Share Your Story

Have a mental health journey you'd like to share with our community? Reply back to this email. All submissions are anonymized and edited for length with your approval before publication. Each published story receives a $10 donation to the mental health charity of your choice.

Picture a fern tightly coiled in early spring. You can't force it open without damaging it. But given time, warmth, and patience, it unfurls on its own, revealing the pattern that was encoded in it all along. Tonight, you can offer yourself that same gentle patience, trusting that what needs to emerge will do so when the conditions are right.

Spend three minutes writing: What part of myself have I been trying to reshape or suppress, and what might happen if I gave it permission to simply be?

Close your notebook and ask yourself: Where am I forcing growth instead of allowing it? What natural inclination have I been judging instead of honoring? How would I treat myself differently if I believed I was unfolding rather than being constructed?

"Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded." — Jess Lair

You're not a project to fix; you're a person to discover, layer by layer.

Article: "Reparenting: Seeking Healing for Your Inner Child"

Read: "Reparenting: Seeking Healing for Your Inner Child" (Positive Psychology)

Reparenting offers a method for healing wounds from insecure childhood attachments by giving yourself the love, care, and validation that may have been lacking. Rather than returning to childhood, it means becoming your own nurturing parent by speaking to yourself kindly instead of repeating critical messages from the past.

Benefits include healing past traumas, building resilience, and improving emotional regulation. The process involves connecting with your inner child through techniques like journaling, meditation, and compassionate self-talk.

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Coming Monday: 1 in 4 struggling older adults regain complete wellness within just 3 years, with psychological and emotional wellness predicting recovery five times more strongly than physical health alone.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

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*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.