Steady, Not Perfect

You're allowed to honor who you are right now instead of constantly measuring yourself against some future ideal. This applies to parenting, too. Toda,y we're looking at how to be present with your child as you are now, how to repair when things go wrong, and why your willingness to keep showing up matters more than getting everything right.

Today’s Quick Overview:

🔬Science Spotlight: Swapping TV for activity cuts depression risk by up to 43%…
🛠️ Tool of The Week: What Gets My Attention Today…
🗣️ Therapist Corner: Being the safe place your child needs…
🙏 Daily Practice: Honoring your present self, not just future potential…

Let's check in on the hard conversation you've been avoiding:

What hard conversation have you been avoiding? With a partner, a friend, a family member, or yourself? What would it look like to start it with "Can we talk about something that's been on my mind?" Not the whole conversation, just the first line.

Childhood emotional safety shapes how we relate to our feelings as adults. How safe did you feel expressing yours?

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How to Be the Safe Place Your Kid Needs

Answered by: Julie Callahan, LCMHCS, RPTS

Children (of any age) don't need perfect parents. They need at least one person who feels safe.

Safe doesn't mean always calm, always patient, always getting it right. Safe means: I can come to you with this and I won't lose you. Safe means: My feelings are allowed here, even the messy ones. Safe means: When things go wrong between us, they get repaired. Safe means: Consistency and validation.

That kind of safety isn't built in big, dramatic moments. It's built quietly, in the everyday.

What Emotional Safety Actually Is

Emotional safety is the felt sense that a child can be fully themselves without fear of rejection, ridicule, or abandonment. It's knowing that their inner world matters. That their emotions—even the inconvenient ones—won't push you away.

A safe person can:

Children who feel emotionally safe don't necessarily have fewer emotions. They just have somewhere to bring them.

What Safety Looks Like in Real Life

It looks ordinary. Unremarkable. Repetitive.

It looks like how you respond when your child cries over something that seems small to you. Do you rush to fix it? Dismiss it? Or pause long enough to say, "That really upset you."

It looks like what happens when your child is angry. Do you match their intensity? Do you shut it down? Or do you hold the boundary while still staying emotionally present: "I won't let you hit, and I can see how mad you are."

It looks like listening without immediately correcting, teaching, or defending yourself. Sometimes safety is just being quiet and letting a child finish their sentence.

It looks like your face. Your tone. Your nervous system.

Children read those things far more than your words.

Ways to Build Connection and Safety with Your Child

Safety Isn't Permissiveness

Being a safe person doesn't mean saying yes to everything or avoiding conflict. Kids actually feel less safe when adults are unpredictable or afraid of their emotions.

Safety is not:

Safety is:

You can say no and still be safe. You can be firm and still be kind. You can be in control and not be controlling.

Rupture Is Inevitable — Repair Is the Work

You will lose your patience. You will say the wrong thing. You will misunderstand your child. That's not a failure of safety—that's being human.

What matters is what happens after.

"It's not what you do. It's what you do after what you did." — Garry Landreth

Repair is where trust is built.

Repair sounds like:

When adults repair, children learn powerful lessons:

You don't need to explain yourself perfectly. You just need to come back.

Everyday Ways to Build Emotional Safety

You don't need a script. You need presence.

Some small, powerful practices:

Consistency matters more than intensity. One big heart-to-heart doesn't outweigh dozens of dismissive moments. And dozens of "good enough" responses absolutely outweigh a few bad days.

For the Parent Who's Worried They're Not Enough

If you're reading this and thinking, "I didn't learn these things as a child, and I don't know if I can do this," you will mess up, and it is okay.

Being a safe person isn't about never messing up. It's about being someone who keeps showing up. Someone who's willing to reflect, to repair, to grow alongside their child. Be there for your child.

Your child doesn't need you to be unbreakable. They need you to be returnable. Someone who comes back. Someone who listens again. Someone who stays.

That's what safety feels like.

And if you're doing that—imperfectly, repeatedly, with love—you're already being the person your child needs most.

Some General "Rules of Thumb" by Garry Landreth:

Be a thermostat, not a thermometer. You set the temperature for the room.

Focus on the donut, not the hole. Look for what is good.

Don't try to teach your child how to swim when they are drowning. Don't give a child a lecture when they need a hug.

Put on your own oxygen mask first. Take care of yourself.

Julie Callahan is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Supervisor and Registered Play Therapist Supervisor, and owner of JLC Counseling and Consulting in Charlotte, NC. She has spent nearly thirty years working with children—first as a Montessori educator, then as a School Counselor, and now as a Clinical Mental Health Counselor. She has taught, supported, and advocated for kids ages two through twenty-three and has walked beside families navigating a wide variety of challenges: anxiety, big emotions, learning differences, neurodivergence, school struggles, family stress, and the growing pains of adolescence. Learn more at jlccounselingandconsulting.com.

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What Gets My Attention Today?

What it is: What Gets My Attention Today is the practice of intentionally deciding where your mental energy will go, rather than letting urgency, emotion, or notifications make that decision for you.

Why it works: Your brain has limited cognitive bandwidth, and scattered attention drains it fast. When you try to mentally hold everything at once, monitoring multiple projects, anticipating problems, replaying conversations, you overload your working memory and feel exhausted.

By consciously allocating your attention instead of letting it scatter, you reduce cognitive load, increase your sense of control, and preserve mental energy for what actually matters.

How to practice it:

When to use it: Perfect for when you feel mentally scattered or overwhelmed, when you're mentally stuck on things that don't need constant monitoring, when digital notifications are fragmenting your focus, or when you're physically doing one thing but mentally dwelling on ten others.

Pro tip: This isn't the same as time management. You might spend time on many things during your day, but that doesn't mean they all deserve to occupy your mental bandwidth between tasks.

Swapping TV Time Slashes Depression Risk, Especially at Midlife

Read the Study

The Research: A four-year study of 65,454 Dutch adults found that replacing one hour of daily TV with other activities decreased depression risk by 11%.

The effects were most dramatic in middle-aged adults. Swapping one hour of TV for other activities lowered depression risk by 18.78%. Shifting 90 minutes reduced risk by 29%, while replacing two full hours led to a 43% drop in depression likelihood.

Nearly all substitutions helped, with one exception: moving just 30 minutes from TV to household chores didn't produce meaningful change. But replacing 30 minutes with sports reduced depression risk by 18%. Across all time frames studied, sports delivered the greatest reduction in depression probability.

Why It Matters: Depression risk often increases during midlife due to converging stressors: career pressures, caregiving responsibilities, physical changes, relationship challenges. This life stage appears especially responsive to behavioral interventions, with a simple daily change producing up to 43% reduction in depression risk when two hours of TV are reallocated.

Try It Today: If you're in middle age and concerned about depression risk, evaluate your evening routine. Those hours of TV after work might feel like necessary decompression, but they could be contributing to depression vulnerability.

Start with one hour: Choose a single hour of your typical TV viewing and commit to doing something else during that time instead. You don't need to eliminate TV completely, just shift one hour.

I can honor who I am right now instead of only valuing who I might become. My present self deserves attention and respect, not just my future potential.

Think of one quality you possess today that you've been dismissing as insignificant because you're focused on who you're trying to become. That present strength matters now, not just later.

It's okay to be exactly who you are at this stage, without constantly measuring yourself against some future ideal. You're a complete person today, not just a work in progress.

Instead of asking "What do I need to become?" ask "Who am I right now, and what does this version of me need today?" Honor your present self with the same attention you give your future aspirations.

Evening Reset: Notice, Write, Settle

Picture a gardener so focused on what the seedling will become that they forget to water it today. They're planning the shade the tree will provide, imagining its future fruit, but meanwhile, the plant withers from neglect in the present. Tonight, you can recognize that you are both the gardener and the seedling. Your future self depends on you caring for who you are right now, not just obsessing over who you'll eventually become.

Spend three minutes writing: How have I been treating my present self as less important than my future self, and what does the person I am today actually need from me?

Close your notebook and ask yourself: Did I honor who I am today, or did I only value what I might become tomorrow? What need did I ignore because I was too busy striving? How can I care for my present self tomorrow, knowing that's the foundation for any future version?

"We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today." — Stacia Tauscher

You're not just becoming someone; you're someone right now, and that person deserves your care today.

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Coming Tuesday: Celebrating moments when you remain engaged during difficult conversations instead of shutting down or walking away, because staying through discomfort shows real commitment to working through conflict rather than avoiding it.

Researched and edited by Natasha. Designed with love by Kaye.

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*The Daily Wellness shares educational content only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice and diagnosis. Please consult a licensed provider for personalized care.